Sit. Stay. Good Blog.

Change your brain, change your life

2012-01-27T12:00:00.000-07:00

The title of this post is a title of a book I just finished by Daniel G. Amen, M.D. It was a fascinating look at the behavioral sabotage we go through and how that may be linked to various parts of the brain. I needed to put my notes somewhere so I can refer to them later, and this was as good a place as any!

Limbic System therapy

1. Take responsibility for keeping the relationship strong. Don't be a person who blames his or her partner or friends for the relationship problems. Take responsibility for the relationship and look for what you can do to improve it. You'll feel empowered, and the relationship is likely to improve almost immediately.

2. Never take the relationship for granted. In order for relationships to be special, they need constant nurturing. Relationships suffer when they get put low on the priority list of time and attention. Focusing on what you want in a relationship is essential to making it happen.

3. Protect your relationship. A surefire way to doom a relationship is to discount, belittle, or degrade the other person. Protect your relationships by building up the other person.

4. Assume the best. Whenever there is a question of motivation or intention, assume the best about the other person. This will help his or her behavior to actually be more positive.

5. Keep the relationship fresh. When relationships become stale or boring, they become vulnerable to erosion. Stay away from "the same old thing" by looking for new and different ways to add life to your relationships.

6. Notice the good. It's very easy to notice what you do not like about a relationship. That's almost our nature. It takes real effort to notice what you like. When you spend more time noticing the positive aspects of the relationship, you're more likely to see an increase in positive behavior.

7. Communicate clearly. Take time to really listen and understand what other people say to you. Don't react to what you think people mean; ask them what they mean and then formulate a response.

8. Maintain and protect trust. So many relationships fall apart after there has been a major violation of trust. Often hurts in the present remind us of major traumas in the past and we blow them way out of proportion. Once a violation of trust has occurred, try to understand why it happened.

9. Deal with difficult issues. Whenever you give in to another person to avoid a fith, you give away a little of your power. If you do this over time you give away a lot of power and begin to resent the relationship. Avoiding conflict in the short run often has devastating long term effects. In a firm but kind way, stick up for what you think is right. It will help keep the relationship balanced.

10. Make time for each other. In our busy lives, time is often the first thing to suffer in our important relationships. Relationships require real time in order to function.

Basal Ganglia therapy

1. Don't give in to the anger of others just because it makes you uncomfortable.

2. Don't allow the opinions of others to control how you feel about yourself. Your opinion, within reason, needs to be the one that counts.

3. Say what you mean and stick up for what you believe is right.

4. Maintain self-control.

5. Be kind, if possible, but above all be firm in your stance.

One Page Miracle

Take one sheet of paper and clearly write out your major goals using the following main headings: Relationships, Work, Money and Myself. Under Relationships, write the subheadings: spouse, children, extended family and friends. Under Work, write current and future work goals, and include a section on how you want to get along with your employer. Under Money, write your current and future financial goals. Under Myself, write out body, mind, spirit and interests.

Next to each subheading, clearly write out what's important to you in that area --> write what you WANT, not what you don't want. Be positive and write in the first person. Keep a copy with you for several days so you can work on it over time. After you finish the initial draft, place this OPM where you can see it daily. Your life will become more conscious and you will spend your energy on goals that are important to you.

Cingulate Ganglia therapy

When you are bothered by repetitive negative thoughts, memorize and repeat the Serenity Prayer (attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr).

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time, enjoying one memont at a time; accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it, trusting that you will make all things right if I surrender to your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with you in the next.

Lifeclass

2011-11-18T16:41:00.000-07:00

I caught up on a bunch of Oprah's LifeClass episodes I had saved on the DVR.

This quote from Iyanla Vanzant was definitely worth pausing to write it down.

You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people. But until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.

Wow, powerful.

All I can do

2011-09-23T15:17:00.000-06:00

I guess this is one of those posts I just want to write down so I don't forget. A stream of consciousness post because that's all I can muster right now.

Never mind my insane head cold. I stopped taking the pseudo-fed 3 days ago because I seriously couldn't function while on it.

When my friend, J's husband passed away suddenly, at 40, I knew that her world, hell, all of our worlds were going to be completely different afterward. I knew that she would be lonely, that she would be angry, that she would get depressed, that grieving would come at her in crazy and unexpected ways.

I expected that she would be pissed off at me at various times, because she was grieving, because I was not, because my husband was still alive. Despite the ups and downs that every marriage goes through, I knew full well she'd give anything to continue those ups and downs for another minute, instead of just reminiscing. I really expected all of it.

But it's still hard. It's hard to know that the hurt she feels is something I can't take from her. It's something that wallops her and nobody can shield her from those waves.

So I know that when I've hurt her feelings, or when she thinks I have hurt her feelings, it's not really about me, and it's not really that I've done anything wrong, it's just that she's raw and grieving and it's painful. The only way to not expose her to any perceived hurt from me is to distance myself from her life. I love her too much to do that.

But it totally sucks in the meantime. To know that she's pissed, at me, for no reason, and that any other person can look at the situation and know that she's drowning but can't accept any help, that is painful for us all. Because we all love her. And we all want to help her. But if she closes herself off, and can't let herself be fallible or vulnerable, or open to the love and support that we all wish to share with her, then we have to let her be for now.

I wish it were different. For J. For me. For the rest of us who can only stand by and wish we could do something MORE for her, for us. I wish it weren't so painful for all of us to bear the brunt of this grief.

I am glad that we, as her group of friends, can recognize that it isn't a fault of our own. For most of my life, I am willing to bet that I would've seen this as something I was responsible for, something that I would have to fix.

I only wish that I could. For now, I can continually offer my vibes from afar. Until that forgiveness is given, that's the best I can do.

It's Not Easy

2011-09-16T09:05:00.000-06:00

Let's be honest. Ethics is not for wimps.

It's not easy being a good person.

It's not easy to be honest when it might be costly, to play fair when others cheat, or to keep inconvenient promises.

It's not easy to stand up for our beliefs and still respect differing viewpoints.

It's not easy to control powerful impulses, to be accountable for our attitudes and actions, to tackle unpleasant tasks, or to sacrifice the now for later.

It's not easy to bear criticism and learn from it without getting angry, to take advice, or to admit error.

It's not easy to feel genuine remorse and apologize sincerely, or to accept apologies graciously and truly forgive.

It's not easy to stop feeling like a victim, to resist cynicism, or to make the best of every situation.

It's not easy to be consistently kind, to think of others first, to judge generously, or to give the benefit of the doubt.

It's not easy to be grateful or to give without concern for reward or gratitude.

It's not easy to fail and still keep trying, to learn from failure, to risk failing again, to start over, to lose with grace, or to be glad of another's success.

It's not easy to look at ourselves honestly and be accountable, to avoid excuses and rationalizations, or to resist temptations.

No, being a person of character isn't easy. That's why it's such a lofty goal and an admirable achievement.

- Michael Josephson

Happiness is . . .

2011-09-01T12:07:00.001-06:00

The Geography of Bliss: One Grump's Search for the Happiest Places in the World by Eric Weiner

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Probably one of the least happiest books about happiness I've read. The descriptions of the places the author visits are terrific. However, the author is a self-described grump, and it shows. There is a layer of film over even the most happy places the author visits, even the most delighted people. I found the entire book to be a little depressing, as though the motive for writing wasn't really achieved. There is happiness to be found everywhere, and sure, it can be measured, but why? Basically I was confounded with the entire premise, that certain places would be happier than others. I mean, there are homeless people in Hawaii who are probably just as pissed off as some of the people in Qatar or Bhutan (whichever was "happy" in the book). Just not a terrific read, frankly.

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Loss of love and sight

2011-08-22T15:14:00.002-06:00

The Blind Contessa's New Machine by Carey Wallace

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

A beautifully descriptive first novel from a young author. A love story about the loss of sight and how to make up for that in imagination. This book is elegant and lovely, although the ending broke my heart in its abrupt apathy. The "machine" doesn't make its appearance until three-quarters through the book, and really, doesn't have much to do with the story. The love between Carolina and her scientist is what draws the reader gently through the Italian countryside in this story. Great read, disappointing ending.

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Immortality

2011-08-16T10:26:00.002-06:00

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Very interesting book about a black woman who, in 1951, unknowingly donated some of her cancer cell tissue which provided limitless groundbreaking for science and technology ever since. Henrietta Lacks was a poor woman from slavery ancestry who provided for her husband and children as best she could until she got sick and went to Johns Hopkins for treatment. While there, she received radiation therapy to cure the cancer which eventually took her life. Her cells were taken for research and found to multiply unlike any cells ever seen to that point in history. Her cells do not die. To date, there are enough cells from Henrietta to circle the Earth three times. This fascinating story tells about the ethics concerning tissue donation when the donor is not aware of the donation nor of the ramifications of donating, as well as the multi-billion dollar industry surrounding the use of donated tissue. It is a sad tale because the Lacks family was cheated out of their share of the profits made from the use of Henrietta's cells, in fact they can't even afford health insurance for their family. The argument for and against informed consent is dissected, does consent help or hinder scientific research? Really great read and lots of questions to answer about tissue research.

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Smashed

2011-08-09T13:45:00.001-06:00

Smashed: Story of a Drunken Girlhood by Koren Zailckas

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Both shockingly honest and also too familiar. The difference I could tell between the author and me is I couldn't feel her overwhelming shame or guilt or remorse in these pages. I have lived through many of the same alcohol induced experiences and, in fact quite a few more since she was in her twenties before she had sex and apparently was never caught drinking and driving. She also quit drinking by 23, whereas I have over 10 years on her by now. Even in my most innocent alcoholic encounters, I felt guilty. She talks about her stomach being pumped and who knows possibly being raped and waking up in strager's houses with the air of a documentary, but never seems afraid of her choices or worried about what other people thought of her. She's much more of a puker than I ever was but, again, she didn't seem embarrassed by it, just saw it as part of being young and drunk. I am impressed with her candor and writing, even if it felt like she was a little removed from it all.

She ends her book with a passionate rage against the alcohol industry in the media. Most eye catching to me was this:

"Drinking, like all forms of self-destruction, isn't a valid art form - because it allows the world to rejoice in our weakness..."

She also says: "I've had it with a world that has created a generation of women who are emotionally dependent on alcohol, and then demonized us for our lack of feminine control."

And finally: "I see alcohol like a man who courted us all. Alcohol has been the first love of so many of us; it had us believing we were desirable and challenging in its presence alone. It let us think it would take us away from small towns, stressful studies, tedious jobs, or unproductive relationships. We have been terrifyingly devoted to it, and it's left too many of us heart sore."

Amen.

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31 hours

2011-07-18T15:22:00.000-06:00

My dad came to visit after spending a week golfing in the heat of the valley of the sun. It's a straight shot from his home in western Montana down the highway to the desert where, in 115 degree heat, you can golf for a steal in the middle of summer. Five days of 18-36 holes a day, grubbing on Phoenician delectables and improving his game little by little.

His friend, Betty, accompanied him on the trip south. Handsome and I met Betty and her then husband, Bob, when we traveled to MT to introduce my future husband to his future in-laws. I liked Betty a lot. Apparently she is a great road warrior and obviously decent golfer.

They rolled in, road weary, about 9:00 on Saturday night. Showers for them both, blowing up the aero-bed, hugs all around and a 10:00 bed time cut the night short. Sunday morning was coffee and breakfast on the deck in the shade of the monster umbrella. A scorcher was on the way. Packed up everyone and their hats and sunscreen and off to pick up the youngest of our family line for a day watching America's favorite pasttime.

What a warm one it was! The 4th inning brought a cloud that seemed a worthy size and as it passed over the stadium, various sections cheered its arrival. We chugged gatorades and ate dippin dots and barely survived the loss to the opposing team. We moseyed over to our adoptive family's house for a pick-me-up dinner of bbq beef sammies and corn on the cob with a tossed salad. It was delicious and the company was delightful.

Exhaustion set in after a day in the sun and with company so after we got home, showers all around, last minute alarm clock checks and hugs all around with promises to say goodbye in the wee hours of the morning. 4:05 came after a night of tossing and turning but that coffee maker was ready for action. Hugs all around, tamales packed in the cooler, promises to visit again soon, for longer, and the van pulled away for a long drive back to the Bitterroots.

I glanced around thinking, "I mopped for that?"

Happy anniversary baby, now where's my wood?

2011-07-01T16:37:00.000-06:00

Heh, heh, the double entendre doesn't escape me.

Happy fifth anniversary to my wonderful husband. You give me so much to be thankful for, and making me laugh is at the top of your best trait list.

Thank you for making me a better person for the last five years. I love ya!

Tonight we will celebrate with my mom and her husband and our long-time good friends from California. Dinner on the deck is in the works, if Mother Nature agrees. It poured and lightning'ed like mad last night. Crossing my fingers!

Sometimes we make mistakes

2011-06-27T11:00:00.008-06:00

I am getting my tattoo removed.

A laser is zapping the ink out of my skin because, after 17 years, I decided I'm ready to wear sleeveless tops to the office.

It didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would. I'm such a baby, psyching myself out about things like that.

I got off the bus a stop early and walked over to the B-cycle bikes at the library. Hopped on a bike and rode it to the station closest to the tattoo removal place (called What Were You Inking? Cute, huh?). Found a delish little breakfast place and got a bite to eat before my 9:00 appointment.

The folks at the Ink place were super faboo and the process did not hurt a bit. It looked kind of gross while the blisters were healing but after one session, I can see a huge difference.

Exciting!

Habitat

2011-06-26T16:22:00.000-06:00

Volunteered for Habitat for Humanity yesterday with a bunch of people from work. It was HOT but fun, as always.

I love to hang out with work people outside of work, because we get to know different things about people, other than they're lawyers.

Here are my friends Brandon and Dean.

They're good people.

Here is proof I actually worked that day.

I am nailing floorboards to the joists. Basically, all I did that day was correct the mistakes made by the people the day before. Seriously! They made their joists too long, so Hubert and I had to sit on the joists and cut them shorter, and then the house would stand forever tall and all would be well.

The house made of love, and volunteers.

Greek fest and remembering

2011-06-19T16:12:00.000-06:00

Went to the Greek fest with Judy and co. yesterday. Her oldest son, Anthony, was home on leave from the military for a week. It was the one year anniversary of the loss of David.

It's hard to believe it's been a year since David passed away. Sometimes I'll think about something the four of us should do and I'll go to email Judy and then suddenly stop because I remember.

Sometimes it seems like this has been the longest year too, and I've spent many nights bawling my eyes out with Judy about how much we miss him.

I'm glad she made it through this year, even though it's the hardest thing she's ever done.

Colorado Children's Chorale at Vail

2011-06-12T16:02:00.000-06:00

What do you say about the amazing kids who perform beautifully against the most gorgeous mountainous backdrop in the middle of summer?

Wow.

There was a performance in Vail Village before noon.

We got to eat lunch in a serene setting with the birds chirping and the breeze keeping us cool.

Then it was off to the Amphitheater to watch the real performance, complete with additional singers and alums who came back for one last song.

I don't think there was a dry eye in the house. It was beautiful.

Georgetown Loop

2011-06-05T18:44:00.001-06:00

We went to Georgetown to ride the train with the Myers today. That was fun, even if you're not a kid!

The 3 foot narrow gauge railroad is nestled in Clear Creek canyon where you can check out all the mining that took place in Georgetown and Silver Plume. The train goes in a corkscrew fashion and climbs 600 feet in one direction.

First we rode the steam engine. We stopped along the route at the Lebanon Silver Mine where Paul was a volunteer miner with our guide, Faith. She was fantastic, but Paulie didn't come home with silver in his pockets. We got to go 500 feet into the mine where we saw all the offshoots to the different parts of the mine. Much of the lower sections were filled in with water (cold water, the mine stays at a constant 44 degrees so the water was chilly!).

The ride to complete the loop from the mine was on a diesel engine, which blew out lots of debris. It was icky, and I picked that crap out of my hair for a week afterward. The history and gorgeous views of this place make it worthwhile to visit.

Afterward, we stopped at Tommyknockers Brewery and had lunch and sampled their beers. It was delicious and a great way to spend the day!

Tough

2011-06-04T15:38:00.001-06:00

We visited with Brett and the kids yesterday. They are so sweet, and thankfully still in shock.

Paul got his ass kicked by Austin, the 3 year old, on the video game - Black Ops. It was humbling, I'm sure.

Brett's pissed off, and I can't blame him a bit. It's hard to see the hurt in that family right now.

We polished off a bottle of Jack and Paul drove home as I burst into tears. Sucks.

In Memory of...

2011-05-17T21:21:00.000-06:00

The world lost an amazing person today. Kris had worked at the adoption agency I used for 19 years before passing away suddenly from a stroke. She was 40 years old.

When I called the agency in 1998, it was Kris I spoke with. She made an appointment to come see me and talk through all my questions about open adoption, including that which I didn't know I didn't know! She was always smiling and laughing, and she had a touch of cynicism and sarcasm so I knew I could always be myself around her.

She was a birthmom too, her son was 7, I think, when my son was born. Kris had since married Brett, a police officer, and became pregnant about 3 months after I did.

We spent time together during birthparent group, which was our quasi-therapy sessions to which all birthparents were invited. We also talked a lot during the preparations for our annual adoption picnics.

We lost touch for a bit until we ran into each other at the liquor store one day. I noticed that the man in front of us had an enormous bottle of Jack Daniels, and I looked at the man himself and realized I KNEW HIM! And of course, it was Brett, and Kris was with him. The four of us stood there and talked a bit, realizing that we lived just down the road from each other's house. We made plans to get together for dinner.

We spent a bit of time together, never realizing the camping trips that we spoke about, unfortunately. The pain of losing Kris is tremendous to me, but that's nothing compared to the void left in the lives of her husband and two children (ages 12 and 3).

Sometimes you really have to question why God makes these types of decisions. I can't possibly understand how the world is better off without Kris, or why these kids needed to grow up without the love of their mom. We will miss her laugh, her smile and her warmth every day.

Happy Mother's Day!

2011-05-08T17:15:00.000-06:00

To my mother, who raised a strong-willed, open-minded fireball who loves you anyway.

To my son's mother, who is raising a strong-willed, open-minded loving boy and giving him so much more than I ever could.

To my grandmother, who raised two girls through hard times and taught me the strength of family.

To my aunt, who wished, and experienced, and lost her chance at permanent motherhood.

To my cousin, who is a new pro at motherhood with a beautiful daughter afflicted by cystic fibrosis.

To my cousins-in-law, who all allow me to reflect on their perspectives of motherhood, young and experienced.

I love you all.

Happy birthmother's day!

2011-05-07T17:11:00.000-06:00

The day before Mother's Day is traditionally celebrated as Birthmother's Day, to thank all of the women who have selflessly made the choice to place their children in a loving home other than their own.

Some birthmoms hate this day, and Mother's Day, because it is painful and reminds them of the absence in their lives. Others celebrate, because we are cherished for providing a child to a family who desperately wanted one.

While adoptive families struggle with their own emotions during Mother's Day weekend, please don't forget the woman who gave life to that child you love so much.

I tip my hat to all my fellow birthmoms out there and wish you a lotta love on this day.

Openness

2011-04-22T17:09:00.001-06:00

The one thing that really kept me grounded through this whole adoption process was that this is an open adoption. While relatively new, I think open adoption is gaining huge strides in being a preferred method of raising adopted children.

I know more about Caden's mom and dad than I would have 20 years ago. We see each other often, many times including my own family (mother, grandmother, aunt, cousins, etc.) so Caden has this enormous extended family.

People ask questions about confusing the child by having so many people who love him. (Huh? Really?) My dad, for instance, did not want to be an active part of my son's life because he thought "he'll have enough grandparents". Oh well, I think that's my dad's loss, not Caden's.

Or am I co-parenting Caden? Definitely NOT, I allow Sally and Dan all the joys of parenting! I just get to hang out and be the cool birthmom! It is not my job to parent, those were rights I gave up in court. It is my job to let this little boy know how much I love him, and how I am forever grateful that I can still be a part of his life.

Semantics cause issues sometimes. I've fielded questions and comments from people that blow my mind. One lady, super nice but obviously ignorant, was asking about Caden when I referred to him as "my son." (I get this a lot.) She said "Oh, you gave him up for adoption? Then he isn't really your son." I calmly explained that until the day I die, he will always be my son. I may not be his "mom", but I will always be his "birthmom".

A particularly nasty lady I used to work with, who, coincidentally, was going through the process of adopting a child, would say the most hurtful things to me about being a birthmom. Surprisingly, my mind must have cleansed itself between then and now because I can't recall any specific thing she said, just that she was hateful. So, you'll just have to trust me on that one.

I wrote my master's thesis about openness in adoption. Language that we use is a huge issue in adoption. Examples are saying "Placed for adoption" instead of saying "Gave up for adoption." This is because I didn't "give up" anything but my right to be Caden's parent. I "placed" him in a loving home with wonderful parents who would give him the life I know I could not.

Or "birthparent" instead of "biological" or worse, "real". Yes, biology plays an

I encourage you to email me if you have any questions about my experience with open adoption. I think we are a success story. I've been on a lot of message boards and in a lot of online communities where people haven't had such warm, wonderful experiences. Talk about it! We can all learn from each other!

Details

2011-04-19T10:00:00.004-06:00

I named him Dominic James at birth. He got his little footprints printed and a birth certificate with that name (and my last name) on it. Sally and Dan renamed him Caden James. They also got his footprints and birth certificate with that name (and their last name) on it. He was a hefty little guy, probably because he ate too much turkey!

Caden and I spent two days together at the hospital. We were both fine, and the nurses were so supportive of me and the decision I was making for that little boy. That was so important to me, being treated with respect. You hear horror stories of nurses who berate and belittle birthmoms because they're placing their children for adoption. I will be forever grateful to the nurses at the hospital where Caden was born!

Adoption is a decision I do not regret. I am so blessed by being an active person in Caden's life. I'm not saying that there weren't bad days. Of course there were. Leaving the hospital empty-handed was absolutely the hardest step I've ever had to take. Some days I would get so angry that they were getting to raise my boy and I was not. But every day things got a little bit better.

I think the sleep that I was able to get immediately post-hospital was a huge life saver! I spent about 4 days recovering from the whole birth experience before I couldn't stand not seeing that baby any longer. I had been a weepy pained emotional wreck for that first week but I needed to see him and hold him and love on him.

I called Sally and asked if I could come visit. She agreed and I drove to their house and spent, oh, the next seven hours just hanging out with all of them. I fed Caden, changed his diaper, hung out in the nursery, read him stories, and he just ate, slept, and pooped like a champ!

As I was driving home that night, my eyes were dry. My heart was full. I knew, without a doubt, I made the correct decision. Also, I got to look forward to the next time I could see them!

Creating a family

2011-04-17T11:04:00.001-06:00

After it was judged that I was firm in my decision to do an open adoption, I started looking through books that these prospective adoptive families had prepared, portfolios of their lives. It was very touching, how these people just opened themselves up, wrote letters and shared pictures of themselves, their lives, their past and their dreams. I tried to picture myself having a relationship with each of these families, so if that was okay, I knew this baby would be okay in their home. I chose Sally and Dan.

I met them in September, while I was seven months pregnant. I felt I had totally prepared myself for this first meeting. Then, when I was driving down to the restaurant, I was talking to the baby, and I said, "We're going to go meet your mom and dad now." And it hit me like a fist. It was real, I was changing lives, life was changing me. I was going down a path that I'd never dreamed of taking, but there I was, foraging my way.

I loved them! They were not perfect, but they were nice and they liked me. They seemed like good people, and my first impression was very favorable. I decided that Sally and Dan would be my baby's parents.

We spent a lot of time together after that first meeting. I got to know them better, they got to know me better, and I felt so good. They treated me like a queen, asked my opinion on important issues like what to name him, and I even brought Sally with me to a doctor's appointment so she could hear her son's heartbeat. They were like a second family to me, which was important to me, because I needed to feel like I could be open and honest with them.

My son was due to be born on Nov. 17, 1998, but he wasn't ready until December 2. I think everyone was frustrated. Sally's parents came across the country for Thanksgiving, expecting to see their new grandson. I felt I had disappointed everyone. Finally, it was time to go to the hospital. I called Sally and Dan and told them what was happening and to come the next day, when hopefully, we would be celebrating a birth! Everybody was in the hospital room with me when it came down to the wire. And I mean everyone! It was pretty crowded in there, and there was soon to be one more!

I will never forget the look on my mother's face when she caught the first sight of my son's head. That look will live forever in my heart. I'm so glad that Dan and Sally were present to watch their son being born. I think that was very important to them, too. Sally cut the cord, and our little boy was finally in the world.

The beginning of the rest of my life

2011-04-15T13:17:00.000-06:00

I knew before I ever took the test that it would come back positive. If truth be told, I knew "the morning after" that something was definitely different. I knew that I was pregnant. After the second blue line appeared, I looked at the world through a different perspective. For about a nanosecond, I thought, "Wow, I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to be a mother." Then reality kicked in and I thought "No way can I raise a baby now. I don't have the best job, I don't have my own place, what kind of environment will I provide?"

I was raised by a single mom. I know it's tough work. I was 21 years old, barely legal, and really wanted to enjoy being young and free of responsibility. I was living with my grandma! My totally ultra-religious, oh man am I ever gonna be judged, grandma!

So I decided on adoption.

I know there's "the other choice." And I considered it. I have been pro-choice my whole life, fighting for women who needed the right to make decisions that are best for them. It just so happens that at that point in my life, it wasn't the best choice for me.

What made me so sure that adoption was the right choice for me was that I had been so careless for so long, I considered myself so lucky to be in the position I was in, I couldn't terminate that pregnancy. I was out of school, a college graduate, making decent money, not your regular unwed mother statistic. I owed it to God and that baby to give it life.

I soon told my mother, who was very supportive of my decision to carry the baby and find it a good home. I did have one chilling conversation with her, where she encouraged me to explore all my options. At that point, there were no other options and it just pissed me off that she was asking me to consider anything other than adoption. Sure, my body would not be mine for the next several months. So, what? Sure, I wouldn't be able to raise that baby as my own. And? I had considered all the options, and really, adoption was the best fit for me.

I started looking for agencies shortly thereafter. The first agency I called was a well-known national adoption agency, who asked me some simple questions. How old was I? I had just turned 21. Was I married? Well, no, and I didn't think many women in my situation were married. She said that she would send some information to me in the mail. I waited anxiously. When I got the package, it contained information about single people wanting to adopt children. Was I not clear that I WAS PREGNANT? Talk about asking the wrong questions! My search continued.

In this high tech day and age, I found Creative Adoptions on the internet. I called and was given an appointment within the week, in person, at my house! I was not very familiar with the concept of "open adoption." It turned out to fit my needs like a glove.

I wanted more than pictures and letters. I wanted to be an active participant in my child's life. I wanted him to be able to know me, to ask me questions about where he came from, why I decided to place him for adoption. I didn't want his parents to speak for me, when I can speak for myself!

I didn't want to look into every stroller that passed by, into the face of every baby, asking myself "Is that my baby? Does my baby look like that now?" I didn't like the ambiguity that closed adoption presents. I needed to know my son, and needed him to know me.

Open adoption has been around for over 30 years. There are several "degrees" of openness in an open adoption. I wanted an adoption where I was able to see this beautiful child I helped create, and to make sure that he knew how very much I loved him.

I became a part of the family at Creative and settled in to a routine of talking with other birthmoms about our decisions and the paths that led us to them. It was wonderful.

Looking for blogs in all the wrong places

2011-04-14T14:05:00.000-06:00

Have you ever noticed that little button at the top of some Blogger users' toolbar "Next Blog"? I click on it occasionally and find that Blogger will knowingly guide me to other blogs who have something in common with the blog I just previously visited.

I click the link after visiting my own blog and get the same 7-10 yoga based blogs that Blogger has in its queue ad nauseum. On a slow day, I may venture clicking some 75-100 different times just to see if I get anything new.

Sometimes, though, the link disappoints. I've been thinking about blogging about my role as a birthmom, and my adoption experience, and how it feels to know that my husband and I are probably not going to have kids. I was over at BlogHer perusing (so many of my mentors blog over there) and found a whole section about being child-free. Exciting and new!

I was reading a blog called No Kidding in NZ and when I clicked on the "Next Blog" link, I actually expected Blogger to show me a blog that had something to do with other people who struggle with infertility or are otherwise child-free.

Not what happened.

I got a link to a happy looking family, husband wife and three kids. At Disneyland.

I clicked again. Got another blog about the ramblings of a family written by the mom about her husband and their five children.

After reading so much about needing and wanting validation regarding child-free-ness, Bloggers blatant display of child-full-ness was almost like a slap in the face.

So, I guess I should write. If I needed any more push in that direction, it's the absence of people like me. There are others like me, aren't there?

George + Reba = Awesomeness

2011-04-02T15:01:00.001-06:00

Last night Handsome and I had a terrific date night. We got to the Pepsi Center around 6:00 and found our seats and the nearest concession stand. We ordered juicy burgers, fries and Blue Moons.

After mowing our dinner, sipping our brewskis, the arena went dark at exactly 7:00.

Enter the opening act: Lee Ann Womack

She's totally adorable and super high energy. I don't know every song she sang, but I do know a couple.

Of course, "I Hope You Dance" which is such a terrific song with a great message: Don't be a wallflower in life, get out there, dance!

But more recent is the song "Last Call" which I LOVE. It's so sad, though, thinking about how some guys always call some girls when they're at the bar, and how they think that's okay.

Anyway. She rocked. Sang for 30-45 minutes. Then she was done. Bathroom time. (Nightmare)

Then, the second act came on. Who? Ah, yes, the one and only: REBA.

Reba is absolutely unbelievable. She's smokin hot, has a voice that goes on and on and on, and she's been doin her thing for decades! Singer, actress, author... She is amazing. Almost 2 million people "Like" Reba on Facebook!

She sang new songs, old songs, and a duet with Lee Ann Womack (Does He Love You? of course)

My favorites: If I was a Boy, Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia, Strange, Turn on the Radio, I'm a Survivor, Because of You and of course, the encore - Fancy.

She comes out in this awesome old time taxicab with this amazing red dress. Wow. I told Handsome that if the concert ended right then, I would've felt like I got my money's worth! That lady is A-MAZ-ING!

And then?

Well.

You know. There was a man by the name of King George.

I have seen George once before. Handsome and I saw him right there in that Pepsi Center, before we got married. A little fella by the name of Dierks Bentley opened for him that night. Hubba.

On this Friday night, George sang all these songs that I knew. It was so cool. I heard All My Ex's live in Texas, Amarillo by Morning (one of my FAVORITES), Blue Clear Sky, Check Yes or No, Give it Away (Handsome LOVES this one), Honk if you honky tonk, How 'Bout Them Cowgirls, I Can Still Make Cheyenne (Another FAVORITE), Ocean Front Property, The Breath You Take, Fireman, Troubadour, Wrapped, and about a dozen more!

He still looks and sounds as good as ever. Mmmm mmmm. Thanks y'all, you made my entire spring in one night. Mwah!

Choosing to be happy

2011-03-31T08:56:00.005-06:00

Sometimes it's just easier to be grumpy. It takes no effort to NOT smile. If you don't feel like talking to anyone, you just don't.

Sometimes it's just hard to pull myself out of a funk. But it gets old for me.

And I get "funky" for no reasons I can really tell.

Around the new year, I started an exercise program which Handsome bought me for Christmas. It is the EA Active Sports 2 for the Wii. There are 2 programs, a 9 week program and a 3 week program. I jumped right in and chose the 9 week workout plan.

Each workout seemed to get progressively more difficult and longer in time. But I was feeling awesome. Finally, the end of the 9 weeks was here and I was working out for an hour before work 3 times per week and another hour on the weekends.

After the program, I decided to continue but try the 3 week program to assuage any commitment issues. The workouts are much easier, much shorter (20 minutes) and I don't feel like I'm attaining anything.

In other words, I feel like I'm letting myself down.

So, I've decided that after the 3 week program ends, it's another 9 week program for me. It just makes me feel better about the effort I'm making and I feel like I can see results.

Getting out of bed at 5:00 a.m. is the hardest part. But if it makes me happy, why wouldn't I?

Thankful for my good health

2010-11-03T13:47:00.002-06:00

Even though I'm not to the point where I crave and love and am blissfully happy when I exercise, I am VERY thankful that I have the ability to get up and move around at my will and leisure.

I have been working out with regularity since January, 2010, and believe that it does wonders for both body and soul. I challenge myself with new classes and test out different machines to see just what my body is capable of.

Generally speaking, I am a very healthy person. My "temple" still has quite a few miles left in it and I'm thankful that I can utilize this body without pain on a regular basis.

Thanks to Mom

2010-11-02T15:33:00.002-06:00

Today I am thankful that I have a pretty great relationship with my mom. She was a single mom for most of my life and had to make a lot of sacrifices for me. We struggled, as so many other families do, during my adolescence, but I think she's forgiven me for pushing and stretching and testing all the boundaries.

We always came as a package deal, and it wasn't until the end of my college career and shortly thereafter that I was really able to stand on my own. My mom always has an ear for listening to me and is usually willing to head out for the next small adventure if I call and ask.

She has taught me more about unconditional love than any other human I know, because boy have I given her opportunities to rethink her stance! To this day, I know that I make her proud, and that I have a champion in my corner whenever I need her.

Love you mom!

Thanks to my husband

2010-11-01T09:30:00.000-06:00

It's amazing when you realize that someone loves you so much, not because, like your "family" they are expected to, but because they choose to give you that love. Because they think you deserve it!

My husband is such a generous man, and he really adores me. I am thankful that he has such room in his heart for me and all my wacky ways, for our kitties who test his limits multiple times a day, for his family (who are much like the kitties in their testing of his limits), and that he selflessly gives of himself to just about everyone he knows.

I am thankful that he has such humor in his being and he sings to me, to the kitties, to his friends, just because it makes him feel good.

I am thankful that he is so handy and can fix anything, and he has the wherewithall to know what needs fixing!

Finally, I'm thankful that he chose me and this life we lead, and I look forward to all of our tomorrows.

Love you honey!

Ooof, exercise log

2010-10-06T16:33:00.002-06:00

I have been battling tendonitis in my achilles. It sucks. What happened was I had been doing my regular workout routines (one day running on the treadmill, another day riding the bike, another day on the elliptical) and I read an article in a magazine which told me specifically how to do a treadmill routine so I could get the maximum benefit in the minimum amount of time.

I had been running at a clip of between 4.5-5.0 mph. I had been using an incline of between 0 - 6.0. This article suggested that I go slower and vary my incline more. It suggested that I do 5 minutes at a warmup of 0 incline and 3.0 mph, then adjust to 5 incline at the same speed for another 5 minutes.

Then 5 minutes at a 10 incline at 3.1 speed, then 5 minutes at a 15 incline at 3.1 mph.
Then 5 minutes at a 10 incline at 3.2 mph, then 5 minutes at 15 incline at 3.2 mph.
Then 5 minutes at a 10 incline at 3.3 mph, then 5 minutes at 15 incline at 3.3 mph.
Then 5 minutes at a 10 incline at 3.4 mph, then 5 minutes at 15 incline at 3.4 mph.
Then 5 minutes at a 10 incline at 3.5 mph, then 5 minutes at 15 incline at 3.5 mph.

Then you cool down and you're done with your workout in 40 minutes (obviously I got something wrong up there because it's not an hour long workout).

Anyhoo... Since I was used to very little incline, bumping it up so much so fast must've bugged my achilles tendon and it began to hurt.

Like when I did downward dog in yoga, I thought I was going to fall over because my achilles/heel screamed at me.

So, I have been trying to take the doctor's orders and take it easy. Ice. Naproxen. Bummer.

Of course, I had just signed up to take a Zumba class at the Rec Center and it's very difficult to stay off your feet, and rest, and ice, when you're dancing like the latin dance star you know you are.

Today, I got to the gym and rode the bike. I got about 6.5 miles in half an hour. No pain in the achilles during or after the workout. Tomorrow is yoga. Modified of course.

I'm searching for a cold laser/low level laser therapist who can help with this achilles thing. I do not do well with an order to "rest". I am not a good patient.

Exercise log

2010-08-03T14:23:00.001-06:00

Worked out at lunch today. So much busier at lunch than at 7:00 am! The trainer at the gym gives me a hard time when I work out at lunch, because she never sees me. Obviously, she's not there at 7:00 am!

7.30 miles, 203 calories, 35 minutes on the stationary bike.

Exercise log

2010-08-02T14:22:00.000-06:00

Back on the treadmill this morning.

2.39 miles, 238 calories, 35 minutes.

I took it slow so I wouldn't kill myself. I also realized I can't read a magazine while I'm running.

Good to know.

Exercise

2010-07-23T09:31:00.002-06:00

Hard to motivate but I feel better. Definitely down some pounds and that feels good. Fitting into my clothes and that feels great! I even got a compliment from some ladies I work with saying I looked like I was wearing my older sister's clothes, they were hanging on me. =)

171 calories, 1.60 miles, 22:17 minutes on the treadmill.

Easing back into a routine. On a Friday (hee hee).

Exercise log

2010-07-14T11:27:00.002-06:00

Today I realized I must've forgotten my ipod at home. Since I'm reading a fairly interesting book called "Changes in Altitude" by Anita Shreve (who I've never heard of but has written a whole slew of books and I'll probably add her to my reading rotation), I decided to ride the stationary bike instead of running on the treadmill or using the elliptical.

My butt still hurts from rafting so the bike wasn't my favorite machine today. However, I was able to go farther riding than I ever could have running (or elliptical-ing?)

7.02 miles, 178 calories in 35 minutes

12 miles an hour never felt so good!

Exercise log

2010-07-08T16:31:00.001-06:00

Did yoga today. Great time.

Nearly fell asleep in Savasana.

Exercise log

2010-07-07T16:30:00.000-06:00

3.16 miles, 281 calories and 37 minutes on the treadmill.

Back to reality!

Exercise log

2010-07-04T16:29:00.000-06:00

In Keystone, on vacation:

30 minutes on elliptical. With a slight hangover and total dehydration.

Dumb. Should've drank some water and gone swimming instead.

Exercise log

2010-07-02T16:29:00.001-06:00

2.69 miles, 262 calories, 30 minutes on the elliptical.

Been a while since I did the elliptical it seems.

Exercise log

2010-07-01T16:28:00.000-06:00

Did yoga today at lunch.

Exercise log

2010-06-28T16:28:00.000-06:00

1.54 miles, 308 calories, 35 minutes and 2311 feet climbed on the stair machine.

Heck Yeah!

Exercise log

2010-06-25T16:26:00.000-06:00

Walked and ran outside for the first time.

It sucked, actually. I can't tell how fast I'm going, there is no water bottle holder and nobody to hand me a towel because I'm drenched.

And it was HOT. Sheesh. I'm spoiled!

I did find a cool new route to the neighborhood pool though!

Exercise log

2010-06-23T16:25:00.001-06:00

339 calories, 2.81 miles and 37 minutes on the treadmill.

Haven't felt like exercising at all since David's passing.

Haven't felt much like eating, either, so at least that's good.

Exercise log

2010-06-18T16:24:00.000-06:00

349 calories, 3.06 miles and 37 minutes on the treadmill

Exercise log

2010-06-17T16:23:00.001-06:00

Did yoga today instead of a gym workout.

Our work offers free yoga during the lunch hour twice weekly and it is fantastic. I try to go twice a week because it really helps the sanity level!

Works all the major muscle groups, too.

Exercise log

2010-06-16T16:22:00.001-06:00

Uh oh, missed yesterday.

3.07 miles, 35 minutes, 294 calories on the elliptical.

Exercise log

2010-06-14T16:21:00.000-06:00

1.35 miles, 217 calories, 25 minutes and 1876 feet climbed on the stair machine.

God Bless America!

Ode to Flag Day

2010-06-14T08:55:00.000-06:00

A flag is just a piece of cloth
Vulnerable to fire or to moth

You can hoist it way up high
And watch it flap against the sky

You can make it orange or green
Or any color in between

With shapes like hexagons or squares
And sometimes lions or even bears

Stars and stripes get used a lot
But seldom ever polka dots

The colors I am partial to
Seem to be red white and blue

The white for right, the blue for true
The red: blood shed, for me and you

(Ol' Betsy Ross, she musta knew)

Written by Johnny Hart - creator of B.C. comics

Exercise log

2010-06-13T16:19:00.000-06:00

Stepping up my game here - working out at the Rec Center gym by my house.

3.03 miles, 37 minutes and 341 calories on the treadmill.

Exercise log

2010-06-11T16:18:00.000-06:00

Friday! Finally!

295 calories, 2.56 miles and 32 minutes on the treadmill.

So this week's total is 12.49 miles and almost 3 hours of cardio.

YAY!

Exercise log

2010-06-10T16:13:00.000-06:00

Whew!

3.34 miles, 306 calories and 38:40 minutes on the elliptical.

Exercise log

2010-06-09T16:12:00.000-06:00

This week kicks ass!

1.3 miles, 262 calories, 30 minutes and 1985 feet climbed on the stair machine.

(That would be MY ass this week is kicking!)

Exercise log

2010-06-08T16:11:00.000-06:00

Keeping at it!

347 calories, 2.99 miles and 38 minutes on the treadmill.

Exercise log

2010-06-07T16:09:00.000-06:00

Started going to the gym in the morning. Whew! What a way to wake up!

I have to get out of bed at 5:30 a.m. I realize that this is not that early but when you're used to 6:00 a.m. and nothing between the bed and the shower, getting dressed and out to the bus so early can be challenging! The bus comes around 6:25 a.m. and I get downtown to the gym (right next to my office) at 7:05. Work out for an hour, shower and clocked in by 8:30. Pretty sweet.

So, my first day - 2.27 miles, 32 minutes and 268 calories on the Elliptical.

Yay me!

Easter poem

2010-04-04T11:01:00.000-06:00

What is this day all about?
Hiding eggs for kids to rout?

Cakes and cookies shaped like lambs?
Pink chapeaus on pink madams?

That's not what it is all about!
Who got buried? Then got out?

Leaving no one any doubt,
"He is Risen!" hear them shout!

THAT is what this day is all about!

(written by Johnny Hart, creator of B.C. comics)

Easter time

2010-04-02T11:13:00.000-06:00

A calendar is filled with days to which we must adhere
No matter how you use them, they still add up to a year

Each month we celebrate with love some very special day
There's Christmas in December and Mother's Day in May

Tho, Father's Day comes round in June, He labors in September
And April has a special date that all fools will remember

With each July the rockets fly in tearful, proud recall
Then August, so grandiose in name, has no good days at all!

November doth remember every veteran with Thanksgiving,
But blessed of all is Eastertime, which gives the gift of living!

(written by Johnny Hart, creator of B.C. comics)

Crazy dreams lately!

2010-03-18T10:39:00.002-06:00

Last night I had a dream about a boy I went to middle and high school with. We weren't super close, but we were nice to each other. His name is Dana.

Dana and I were in a giant farmer's market. The plan was he was going to cook me dinner. I remember seeing giant displays of asparagus (both green and white) and potatoes. I had to go visit the restroom and Dana said he'd be waiting right there. For some reason, I left the restroom from a different door I entered, and through that door, my mom and her sister and my grandma were waiting for me. I was excited to see them (I don't see my grandma or aunt very often) and before I knew it, we had piled in the car to go away.

Suddenly, I was completely distraught. I had left Dana at the farmer's market. I pleaded with my mom to take me back and we turned around. The sky had become gray and the wind had picked up.

I searched for Dana frantically, finding him poking around some vegetables, looking totally crestfallen and rejected. I couldn't have been more sorry, and I apologized for leaving him there.

He broke my heart with how sad he was. I told him how awful I felt, and he said it's okay, and asked if we could go and cook dinner now. Then I woke up.

I am disturbed. And I have no idea what Dana represents to me, so I can't really figure this out.

To Be or Else...

2010-03-16T10:59:00.001-06:00

Often times I wonder what this world is all about
It can't be just a place for coming in and going out

It surely can't be just a place for terrorists and crooks
And dirty, rotten scoundrels that sell pornographic books

It wasn't made for wallowing in sickness, death and sin
or people who give drugs to kids, or beat up on their kin

Our world was once a perfect place, a gift of love, not war
And we still have the power, through grace, to make it like before!

(written by Johnny Hart, creator of B.C. comics)

The Rubber Band Effect

2010-03-15T14:31:00.002-06:00

It's funny, isn't it, how you tend to not see someone for a while and then you run into them and spend lots of time together, then you become distant and unresponsive again?

That's how it is with my blog. Sorry blog. I really do love you. I just think you deserve more creativity than I can give most days.

And instead of giving you half-assed posts, I withdraw completely and you must think I've abandoned you.

On the contrary. I adore you and if the mundane is better than nothing, well, then here I am.

So, Handsome and I had a wonderful four day trip to NoCal to visit Cousins W and T and their spouses and kids. This family I adore so much. They are close in age and wry in spirit. They also make Handsome nervous or uncomfortable. I think because the two cousins are brothers to each other, there is an impenetrable field around them that Handsome has never felt nor been able to breach.

First we flew into Sacto and hopped in our rental Ford Focus (which was both quite adorable and very fuel efficient. Handsome loved it because "it's American, dammit!") We drove to San Francisco to meet a girlfriend who I went to kindergarten with and haven't seen or spoken to in, oh, about 25 years. She looked me up on Facebook a couple months ago and I thought a quarter century just too long to go between visits.

We met Francis in the City and walked to the Ferry Building which is like an enclosed open air market, full of shops carrying fresh cheese and fresh bread and fresh smoked meats and fresh organic vegetables. I was in heaven. Had I $500 and 3 hours and no restrictions on my flight back, we would be eating like royalty right now.

We settled on a seafood place and got a 1/2 bottle of wine and sat out by the San Francisco Bay to eat and drink and catch up over the last few decades. It was beautiful. There are some people that you can connect with again after forever has passed and you just feel comfortable with them. Francis is like that. I found and showed her some pictures of us when we were three or four and she laughed, just like I had when I saw them.

It was easy to be with her. I think we all need more people like that in our lives. Francis and her husband actually met in college in Colorado, about half an hour from where Handsome and I live now. We were 30 miles away from each other for several years, and had no clue. Strange, isn't it, how the universe plays these little jokes on us?

We should've gotten bread while we were in SF. We didn't, forgot, were in a hurry to get to Sacto for the surprise birthday celebration for Cousin T, who was driving with his wife and kids from Los Angeles. Apparently we missed rush hour (Hallelujah!) but beat the LA cousins by about 5 hours. D'oh.

Cousin W and his wife are renting a house that has a squat little orange tree and a tall grapefruit tree in their backyard. The oranges were as big as grapefruits (and so were the grapefruits!) and we had fresh juice every day we were there. Of course, I mixed mine with champagne and called it the thickest mimosa ever made. Surprisingly, it was the first time they had made juice from their fruit. They would buy a box of California clementine Cuties for $10 (!!) but hadn't ever eaten the fruit growing in their own backyard.

The surprise was pulled off without a hitch. Cousin T was excited that we had made the journey to come celebrate his birthday with him. The impetus for us was that Cousin T and his wife and kids are preparing to move to Australia. I figured the plane trip to California would cost far less than a trip to Australia, and we can afford it right now, so we'll be saving up some money before we can spring for the Australia trip. However, how freaking cool will that be? Flying out there will be our only expense - we will stay and eat with them while we are there.

The weather was great, kind of cool but not frigid like Colorado. And everything was so GREEN, it was such a fresh scene. The kids were fun, they tend to socialize with each other more than with anyone else. We went bowling, I bowled a 115 my second game (woo hoo!) and that was fun.

Ate, drank lots of wine, enjoyed some other recreational activities and really fell in love with California again.

20 Tips on Marriage

2010-03-03T13:38:00.003-07:00

1. Remember what you like about the other person. Keep it in the back of your mind for those moments when youre angry.

2. Think not just about what the other person can do to make things better, but what you can do to make things better.

3. Couples are too busy these days. You've got to make protected time for each other, time just for the two of you, and you need to do this at least a half hour a week, preferably more. Many couples spend more time exercising than being with each other. One way around that is to exercise together!

4. Respect. Respect. Respect. Try always to treat your partner with respect. Repeated put-downs can become a habit and mark the beginning of the end of a relationship.

5. Play. Let yourselves set aside your inhibitions and be silly. Do foolish things together. Have a pillow fight. Play tag. Tickle each other. Tell jokes. Play pranks on each other. Never take yourselves too seriously. As long as you can laugh, you'll be ok.

6. Celebrate. Studies show that it is more important to be there for your spouse to celebrate good times than it is to be supportive in bad times. Of course, support in bad times matter, but it is even more predictive of success in a relationship if you can celebrate good times together.

7. Present a united front to your kids. Otherwise you will undermine each other. This is not good for you and it is not good for the kids.

8. Say something nice, something you like about your spouse at least once a day.

9. Feel free to make fun of tips on marriage like these but dont make fun of taking seriously the idea of each day doing what you can to make your relationship better.

10. Give your spouse permission to have a life of his or her own outside the marriage, be it friends, groups, career, hobbies, or other activities.

11. When you see an argument or fight getting started, try to catch yourself and say to yourself, "Let me try to do this a little differently this time." If you usually yell, fall silent. If you usually get quiet, speak up. If you usually cry, dont. If you usually rage, try negotiating or listening instead. Just try to vary your usual way of responding.

12. Pay compliments. You can never pay too many compliments. Even if they are mocked or rebuffed, they will be appreciated.

13. Pay attention to the family of origin of your spouse. When you get married, you not only marry your spouse, you marry your spouses family. The old cliché of the terrible in-laws is a destructive one. Make friends with your in-laws and try to have fun with them. Remember, also, they are your childrens grandparents.

14. Try never to use money as a tool of power. This builds huge resentments over time.

15. Try to keep up an active sex life. If sex tails off, this may indicate conflict. Try to get at the heart of the conflict. Usually, sexual activity will pick back up.

16. Avoid the pattern of The Big Struggle. Attack and defend, defend and attack. This can become a habit, a very demoralizing and destructive one.

17. Get to know about your spouses childhood enough that you can understand current patterns in terms of what happened growing up. No one hit adulthood without having had a childhood first. And the child is the father or mother of the man or woman.

18. Have fun together. Do it however you want to do it, but make time to have fun. Sounds obvious, but many couples don't do this.

19. T.I.O. Turn It Off. When you are together, turn off your electronic devices, at least for some of the time.

20. Remember, no marriage is constantly happy, perfect, and blissful. When times are tough, hang in there with each other. Get some alone time, but dont go into hiding. You need each other. It is easy to be there for each other in good times, but in hard times, this is when you really need one another. This is when you just plain do it, whatever it is, for the sake of the person you married and for your own sake as well. Please don't give up. There is always hope.

by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. and Sue George Hallowell, LICSW

Exercise update

2010-03-02T09:06:00.002-07:00

We had dentist appointments this morning so Handsome had to trade shifts with someone and he closed. Which means that I got to work late, and worked through lunch, but I didn't have to take the normal bus home. So, I went to the gym after work. My ipod was dead so I plugged in to the treadmill which has the TV on it.

About 15 minutes into My Name is Earl, I remembered that I had given up TV for Lent.

Whoops.

30 minutes on the treadmill. Scale read 145.8.

Maybe I shouldn't take the weekend off after all. Today for lunch: salad with a scoop of tuna and an apple.

Exercise journal

2010-02-28T15:00:00.000-07:00

Feb. 23 did a yoga class that my work offers. I haven't been to it in a while because since I joined the gym, I feel like that's where I get the most bang for my buck. (Well, if the yoga is free, there is no buck, but you get what I mean?)

Interestingly, I read in the Eat Right/Cook Right/Live Right 4 Your Type books that Type As tend to get the most benefit from exercises like yoga, tai chi, etc. as opposed to sweating it out on the treadmill at the gym.

I am still going to mix it up, alternating yoga with cardio and weights when I can.

Feb. 24 I did 30 mins on the elliptical. Scale said 145.0. Moving in the right direction.

Feb. 25 ate breakfast for lunch with a friend. So good, bacon, eggs and pancakes. Man, my belly hurt the rest of the day.

Feb. 26 had a meeting during lunch. Had a turkey club sandwich which was yummy. That night we went to dinner with some friends for Denver's Restaurant Week. This is a great deal where you can have a multi-course dinner for two for $52.80. We went to Rodizio's which is a Brazilian steakhouse and the waiters come to your table with swords skewering cuts of meat. It is all you can eat. And boy, did we eat. And eat. And eat some more.

That night, Handsome and I lay in bed just moaning (and not in a good way). It was punishment for all that good food. The weekend brought no good exercise to speak of. Maybe I needed a weekend off?

Dreaming

2010-02-25T09:13:00.002-07:00

Had this crazy dream last night where I was hanging out with my high school girlfriend E. and some of E's friends but her friends were freaking me out. I think my high school boyfriend L. was there or I was talking to him on the phone and he was going to come hang out with me. I left E. and her weird friends and drove to my college girlfriend H's house, which I was house-sitting. (it totally wasn't H's real house, but it was seriously an awesome house!) There was a group of bikers (like bicyclists, not motorcycles) who had stopped at the house to grab a bite to eat before setting off on a big ride. I got a text message from E. which said "I expected Reece to leave but didn't think YOU would." Obviously, E. was pissed that I had left. Then my best friend J. showed up at the house and he and I were hanging out, eating grub (salad) with the bicyclists in the kitchen. Then I woke up.

I told my girlfriend E. about this dream and she said that what struck her was that it was so busy! She asked me if I have been under stress lately?

Hmmmm..... Nothing I can't suppress in a conscious state! Obviously my sub/unconscious has some stuff to work through. E. and J. both are very good friends. I can totally be myself with them. H. is someone who I have been friends with but we aren't really close. I feel like a doofus sometimes when I am around her. And L.? Well, we dated for a year in high school, and he was a great boyfriend when he wasn't freaked out about everything. On some level, evidently, I see him as someone who could take care of me. That's comforting.

What's interesting to me, and this has been true for as long as I've known him, is that Handsome rarely makes an appearance in my dreams. I wonder what that means?

We didn't start the fire

2010-02-24T08:46:00.002-07:00

It was always burnin' since the world's been turnin'

What a great show. OK, we got to the Pepsi Center and saw the stage. There were no instruments on it. I poked Handsome in the ribs and said "Do you see the pianos?" He said no. I thought, where are they? Where is the drumset? I don't get it...

Then, as the show began, the stage top moved aside and TWO pianos came up from underneath with these hydraulic lifts. TWO drumsets came up and keyboards and guitarists all rose up from underneath the stage. It was really cool.

Elton John and Billy Joel have been playing the music scene for some 40 years. They could do this show in their sleep. The amazing thing is that they have the stamina and endurance to completely rock out for 3 and a half hours.

They started out playing together, but each would sing the other's songs. Then Billy Joel's piano and his band dropped down under the stage and Elton's band stayed up. He sang all his classics and some I'd never heard before while the giant screen behind him showed cool graphics and some of his old album cartoon covers. It was neat.

Then Elton's piano and his band were lowered and Billy Joel's piano and band rose up and he played a bunch of his classics. I felt like Billy Joel was more personable and he came off as someone who you'd enjoy having a beer with, given the chance. His piano rotated 180 degrees every so often, so you weren't getting the head view the whole time. He joked that he wasn't really Billy Joel, he was Billy Joel's father, poking fun at his balding head and grey facial hair.

Finally Elton and band rejoined the stage and the two icons rocked out for another 4 or 5 songs. I was so impressed. Good music really lasts through time and these legends know how to put on a show!

Weekend update

2010-02-22T16:07:00.006-07:00

Colin Quinn was my favorite Weekend Update host on SNL. I was awfully young but I thought he was totally yum.

Saturday I got my eyes examined and found out that I am seeing BETTER in BOTH eyes since my last exam. Woo hoo! The doc said I must be eating my wheaties. I told her it was probably the oatmeal and Type A food, because I don't eat wheaties.

Handsome has the most awesome vision insurance in the universe. My eye exam, frames, lenses, bells & whistles etc. only cost me $28! What a deal! New glasses should come in by next week. I have to go back for the contacts because she didn't have any of my favorite brand in stock.

Sunday I worked out with the Jillian Michaels Ultimatum game on the Wii. She totally kicks my butt. I like it. Then I took my mom to see the midget in the Colorado Children's Chorale concert. It was beautiful. Those kids are so talented, singing, some dancing, hand movements, all from memory. I am totally impressed.

Handsome and I grilled burgers (beef for him, salmon for me) and played Scrabble after dinner. We have given up TV for Lent and our game playing has vastly improved. I kicked his butt at the word game. He would've gotten me back during our Wii games but he ended up having too many cocktails and his game playing totally suffered. Hee hee.

Worked out at lunch today - 35 minutes on the bike reading a book by my favorite author (Jodi Picoult, how terrific is she?) Scale was at 145.2. Not bad after a weekend.

Tonight? Oh, man, a concert for the ages!

How excited am I?? I can't wait. Two of the most talented guys ever. I can remember listening to my mom's LPs of these guys when I was just a puppy. Together! In one concert! Full update tomorrow. Woo hoo!

Dreaming

2010-02-20T08:57:00.003-07:00

I've heard that it's healthy for your body to wake up at the same time every day, weekdays and weekends. I think that is a bunch of crap. I don't think my body was designed to wake up at five a.m. every day. Not that I don't get appropriate sleep during the week, either. I'm a sleep at least seven hours a night kind of girl. I think that is the recommendation, right?

When handsome's alarm goes off at 5:00 on Saturday mornings, I'll wake up, talk to him, wish him lots of love and miss you's and then when he leaves for work, I'll fall back asleep. I think it's my body's way of saying, damn, I'm tired. Some Saturdays I'll wake up around 7:30, sometimes later. This morning it was almost nine. Whenever it is, I feel like that's what my body needed.

Often, it is during those precious few hours of "nap time" that I have vivid dreams. Like this morning...

A series of three separate dreams clouded my subconscious this morning between 5:00 and 9:00 a.m. The setting was Las Vegas, I'm sure of it, although no neon was to be seen.

The first sequence was of me on a roof with a bunch of others. We were taking turns flying a glider off the roof and around the yard and landing back on the roof. I'm not sure if I had taken my turn yet but suddenly, I felt as though I was running out of time. I jumped in the glider and took off. It was delightful, that feeling of weightlessness, of freedom. All was dandy until I realized one thing: I didn't know squat about how to fly a glider.

A moment of panic while I steered and banked left and brought the building's roof into view. I glided right on to that roof and landed the plane without incident. I was exhilarated and more than proud of myself.

Shift into the next sequence, where I was trying to capture a photo of what appeared to be my class reunion's participants. Loads of people, and I was trying to find the best location. I wandered around an enormous hotel until I found a beautiful, empty marble staircase. At my direction, everyone was lining up on the stairs while I was keeping them in the camera's viewfinder. I kept checking the shot while more and more people joined in the photo. Lots of noise and chattering and I was giddy at the thought of capturing all that energy on film.

There were several people who should have been in the picture but were in different areas of the hotel and I was trying to gather all of them before I lost the opportunity to take the shot. I got a few, but before I could snap the picture, a bell sounded, as though classes were changing. I glanced at the clock on the wall which said it was early afternoon, and I couldn't understand what was happening.

All of a sudden people from all over started walking through the hotel, up and down the stairs, infiltrating my group and my photo opportunity. Someone was trying to direct the reunion participants to be still and shift to their right, over by the wall. They were distracted, though, and I knew I wouldn't get the picture. I was crestfallen.

Shift again to a hotel room the likes of which I've never seen. The inhabitants were of the variety that spent weeks there, or maybe the room was theirs if they ever needed a place to stay while in Vegas. Very classy. The man and woman were both in silk smoking jacket/wraps and she was in the bed talking with one of her lady friends.

Handsome was with me in the room, we sat on a chaise lounge while the man sipped his brandy and handled his wooden cane. He was talking to Handsome about a financial problem Cousin W had found himself in. With his cane, he poked a sleeping Doberman who lay snoring under our seat. I hadn't even noticed the dog until the man started talking about how some people hurt the animals of people who owe money. Then he unfastened the end of the cane which held a needle-sharp point and went to poke it at the dog.

I realized that Cousin W had gotten himself indebted to the mafia and wondered what our role in that was. I started thinking about whether and how we would bail him out but hadn't any clue how deep in he was. I thought if it was less than $10K, I could probably get a cash advance on my credit card and pay the mafioso standing before me. As I began to think in that both irrational but logical way, I woke up.

Exercise journal

2010-02-18T14:00:00.000-07:00

Tried another Muscle Works class today. The "real" teacher was back, she had a sub last week when I went.

Actually, I enjoyed the sub's class a little more.

One hour of butt kicking.

Scale said 144.6

Woo hoo!

Exercise journal

2010-02-17T13:35:00.001-07:00

30 minutes on the elliptical today. Scale said 145.2

Progress!

Be My Valentine

2010-02-14T13:45:00.002-07:00

There are varying opinions as to the origin of Valentine's Day. Some experts state that it originated from St. Valentine, a Roman who was martyred for refusing to give up Christianity. He died on February 14, 269 A.D., the same day that had been devoted to love lotteries. Legend also says that St. Valentine left a farewell note for the jailer's daughter, who had become his friend, and signed it "From Your Valentine". Other aspects of the story say that Saint Valentine served as a priest at the temple during the reign of Emperor Claudius. Claudius then had Valentine jailed for defying him. In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius set aside February 14 to honour St. Valentine.

Gradually, February 14 became the date for exchanging love messages and St. Valentine became the patron saint of lovers. The date was marked by sending poems and simple gifts such as flowers. There was often a social gathering or a ball.

In the United States, Miss Esther Howland is given credit for sending the first valentine cards. Commercial valentines were introduced in the 1800's and now the date is very commercialized. The town of Loveland, Colorado, does a large post office business around February 14. The spirit of good continues as valentines are sent out with sentimental verses and children exchange valentine cards at school.

What did we do for the day of Love?

Oh yeah, Monster Jam Baby.

What a riot. We got the suite at the Pepsi Center and had an absolute blast. I'll take my Valentine's loud and rowdy any day!

Ow

2010-02-12T11:50:00.001-07:00

Muscles hurt.

Hurt when I laugh.

Hurt when I sit.

Hurt when I stand up.

Evidence of a GREAT class!

Exercise update

2010-02-11T13:43:00.000-07:00

Took a class the gym offers called Muscle Works. Whew, my muscles got worked!

We used a big bar barbell with 7.5 pound weights on each end. I was anxious. But I made it through the whole class (lots of squats, push ups, planks, side planks, etc.) without dying or hyperventilating or anything!

Scale read 146.

REALLY?

WTF?

Exercise update

2010-02-10T13:30:00.002-07:00

Did 30 minutes on the elliptical.

Still at 145.8 according to gym scale.

Zero pounds.

Really??

Who dat?

2010-02-08T11:34:00.001-07:00

Man, how exciting for the Saints to win that game! I really thought they were going to win the whole time, but it was nail-biting there for a while!

I embellished Paul's CU jersey with a "Who Dat?" plaque on the back. It was very cool.

We went to watch the game with some friends and I made a super easy appetizer.

Buffalo Chicken Bites

1 can of refrigerated crescent rolls
2 cans of chopped chicken (or about 1.5-2 cups cooked chopped chicken)
A couple tablespoons of buffalo wing sauce

In a bowl, I combined the chicken and the buffalo wing sauce until well mixed. I put one triangle of crescent rolls in each muffin pan hole. I scooped up the chicken mix and put a dollop on each crescent roll. Then I folded the triangles over each other and baked as the crescent rolls directed.

Served them with a side of ranch dressing for dipping (because I don't like blue cheese, but to each their own). Those babies were gone before halftime! YUM!

New song

2010-02-07T08:33:00.000-07:00

[In the style of Zac Brown Band's Toes]

I got my ass in the hot tub
My toes in the snow
Ain't worried 'bout nothing
Up here in Steamboat
Life is good today
Yeah, life is good today!

Snowshoeing

2010-02-06T17:00:00.001-07:00

Wow, I am so freaking proud of us! We snowshoed on a trail on the west side of Rabbit Ears pass. It was a 4 mile loop and took us 2.5 hours. It was so unbelievably beautiful and peaceful. We only saw maybe a dozen people during that time, and most of them were just starting out as we were finishing up.

Now, we're going to look for snowshoes of our own. I had a great time!

Then we went out for BBQ at the Double Z. Oh my, YUM. First we had the spicy hot link appetizer (totally spicy and really delicious), then I had the pork rib basket (which was just perfect and juicy) and Paul had the Hot Beef sandwich (which had sliced beef AND a couple spicy hot links as well as a layer of cheese). It was the perfect protein punch after our snowshoe adventure!

We walked around by the Yampa river afterward, to let the "air" out. Saw a guy fly fishing and he caught a brown brook trout. It was neat, the river was partly frozen, with giant iced sections. The town is so serene, welcoming. I felt good there!

Steamboat

2010-02-05T11:25:00.001-07:00

Going to Steamboat Springs for Paul's friend Tim's 40th birthday party. Have only been to Steamboat once and it was 10 years ago. Went in the summertime, it was beautiful.

We both borrowed snowshoes from friends and will bust out our skillz on Saturday. Wheeee!

I'm just excited to get away for the weekend. Hopefully we don't freeze our tookus' off!

Exercise journaling

2010-02-01T13:30:00.000-07:00

Did 30 minutes on the stationary bike today at the gym. Love this gym membership! LOVE working out during lunch. Have so much more energy when the sun shines. Rode 6.6 miles. Whew!

Short Fairy Tale

2010-01-08T15:23:00.004-07:00

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"

The girl said "No" and she lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a closet full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never farted on.

The End

Catching Up

2010-01-08T14:50:00.004-07:00

Like writing in a journal, it's hard to pick up where you left off. So much has happened over the last few months.

In August, I divorced my father. I turned it ALL over to God, because I was done. This email I received was the last communication before I decided I didn't need those brick marks on my forehead from running into the same wall over and over and over again:

I can’t believe I’ve let this go this far. Just when I think there’s some hope for us you show me that the road is much longer than I could imagine.
This year has been horrifying. I’ve never been more at war spiritually than in these last eight months. Your stepmom has been fighting for her life and I’ve been fighting for my sanity. I’m proof that God never gives us more than we can handle, but believe me He better have His hand on you while you’re going through it. But this letter isn’t about me. It’s about you.
I have never really looked at your selfishness in quite this bright of a light before. I’ve prayed to God plenty about you and He’s told me what I know, and that’s that I love you with all my heart. No matter how you act. But I don’t have to like how you act. And over these last months I’ve really gotten to dislike how you act very much. I can’t believe you’ve sunken to the depths of self centeredness as far as you’ve gone. I can take a lot of what you dish out in my direction, maybe because I’m your father, but this time you really screwed up. My wife was laying there in the hospital struggling to live and not one card, not one call, no flowers, no concern. And I know where you’re going with this right now that I should have called you and kept you informed. I don’t have to call. You do.
This world does not revolve around you as you think it does. You have this self centered sense of entitlement about you that really fowls the air. Today it is really showing up strong. I’m emailing this to your office because I don’t think you’ll read it if I send it to your home email. I don’t want you to get fired for using company email for personal use, and you will be fired because even that boss you have won’t tolerate an employee that has a sense of entitlement like you have for long. And they will probably use your personal usage of company email as the excuse without having to confront you with the truth as I am now.
So go ahead and bond with your support group and cry about this letter to them. They’ll all feel sorry for how your father has hurt you again, and sit around and agree how bad he is, again. And nod in subtle agreement.
I pray that you discover the truth abut yourself, and soon. I pray God will show you that you can be loved without being liked. That love isn’t a ticket to act any way you see fit.
Yours in Christ,
Dad

As vitriolic as this email was, it was also freeing. It let me know that I could go on with my life, be free of the guilt that my relationship with my father was a failure.

But really? How does somebody rip someone a new a$$hole and then sign the letter "Yours in Christ"? I don't get it.

So, of course, when we found out she was sick, we sent a card to the hospital and again when she got transferred out of the hospital. My dad and I didn't talk again for another couple of months.

My stepmom passed away Nov. 16. My dad left me a voicemail. Obviously sad, but not tragic. Handsome and I made plans to go to Montana for the memorial service. I was a bundle of nerves but very glad I went. Since then, I feel more free and expressive with my dad and our relationship. I loved my stepmom, but she was always intimidating somehow. I feel like I'm on level ground with my dad now. I text him on his phone (he hasn't learned to text back). He's grieving, and that lets me see his human side. I am a lot like him, I've learned. We both make assumptions that usually end up completely untrue. Shame.

I've grown a lot in the last couple months. I was struck down, afraid, sad, liberated and now, just trying to figure out this new relationship. I feel confident again. Whatever happens, I'm glad things have changed. Life is short, we must make amends while there are still people to whom the amends should be made.

Little Eyes

2009-10-22T12:58:00.003-06:00

Man, oh man, has it been a while. Lots to catch up on, but let me post this beauty of a poem. It is much more uplifting than the crap I've dealt with in the last 3 months.

WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing, and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don't.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and wanted to say, 'Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.'

LITTLE EYES SEE A LOT .

Each of us (parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, friend) influence the life of a child. How will you touch the life of someone today? Live simply. Love generously.Care deeply. Speak kindly.

Where I say goodbye to my dreams of a white picket fence

2009-07-11T19:57:00.002-06:00

Mean Girls

2009-06-19T10:49:00.003-06:00

I loved the movie. It struck true to so many chords from middle and high school. I loved how the protagonist was able to break free of her own self-inflicted painful chaos in order to remember who she was inside.

When anonymous commenters viciously attack your very being, no matter what anyone says, it hurts. No matter that, deep down inside, you know what they say isn't true, it still hurts. Even though we know that we are loved children of God, people can still be mean and sometimes, it worms its way inside our souls and psyches and makes us question God. Why does He make mean people? Why does he make people mean? Why am I not strong enough to resist the lies and deception I'm faced with?

My girl Amy Beth needs some encouragement right now. Please visit and let her know that mean girls are not worth the pain they inflict.

Neither are mean boys, for that matter.

Life in a tornado

2009-06-15T12:10:00.008-06:00

Sometimes it's just all so overwhelming. The good, the bad, they all gang up on you and you feel small and kind of melty (it is too a word).

We had the midget this weekend, which I have been looking forward to for weeks. Spending time with a ten year old is such excitement. First there was a little league game. Parents can be totally crazy at little league games. A man argued with the umpire about a questionable call (apparently you have to slide into home plate if a play is happening at home plate, running across it means you're out) and I thought it might get ugly. Did I mention the kids are ten? I mean, really, let's try and set an example!

It was cold and windy at the game, but the sun shone all day and I didn't use sunscreen. I have a niiice farmer's tan going on.

About the third inning, I got a voicemail from my mom who had been crying. My great-uncle passed away. Sad, but neither tragic nor completely unexpected. He was the remaining half of a grandparent-esque couple I only recently got to know - my grandpa's brother and sister-in-law. Honestly, my first thought was relief. I know how much pain he has been in and how tough that is for an old body to handle. But also, I thought I was off the hook for feeling guilty about not visiting as often as I ~~should~~ wanted.

The family fell apart after my great-aunt died. She was truly the glue that bound the family together. Lord knows I fell apart after she died. Some people just show you what family is all about, and Marge was the epitome of the word. Harry, her husband, bless his heart, couldn't hear a damn thing anyone said for the better part of 20 years because he refused to get hearing aids. Finally, he gave in, and they arrived in the mail in time for him to hear the eulogy given for his wife.

Having the midget around for the weekend left no time to really grieve, which I took as a good thing. It seemed my mom was crying enough for all of us. After the little league game, the midget and I high tailed it to Tar-Jay for a gift for a four year old. My girlfriend from college, Alaina, whom I haven't seen in YEARS was having a party and I was excited to see her! The midget popped open the Transformers pinata and played with some other kids kicking ball, throwing the Aerobie and apparently cavorting with real-live chickens. The two other children there who were his age were from Korea. As I was thinking about it all later, I realized I totally missed my opportunity to talk to their parents as the third member of the adoption triad. I guess it never occurred to me to bring up adoption with them. Maybe the opportunity will present itself again soon.

We took in a movie that night - grumpy Handsome, the midget and me. We saw Monsters vs. Aliens, which was pretty cute. Handsome laughed out loud during much of the movie, which is always a good sign.

The next day, the midget helped me make Blueberry Cream Cheese Coffee Cake for breakfast, which was so delicious! I love that he's old enough to help cook, or do yardwork (I think Handsome had him mow the yard for a little while, too). I'm not sure if his parents give him such responsibility. I was thinking about when I was ten, we were living in Christiansburg, VA, and I came home from school and spent about 2-3 hours all by myself. I'm sure I fixed snacks and who knows what else. Ten back then seemed a lot older than ten does on the midget. He'd probably do all right.

It was little league day at the Colorado Rockies so we went to the baseball game. What a madhouse! There were at least 500 little leaguers all excited to be there. The midget, however, was the only one we could find from his team. The fun part was they all got to walk around the warning track on the field. I was worried if he didn't see any of his teammates, he might not want to participate. Handsome came to the rescue, saying that since even the coach didn't show up, Handsome himself would walk around with him. Well, that sealed it. Eventually, three more kids from his team showed up, and Handsome wore the biggest grin of them all out on that ball field.

The Rockies did a great job, winning their 11th straight game. Of course, there was a 55 minute rain delay, but it was really because a tornado had formed just northeast of the stadium. Really, a tornado! We decided that, instead of hanging out for an hour in the concrete stairwell playing "I Spy", we should bail and see what the weather was like at City Park. Handsome had his usual panic in trying to drive downtown (why do I not learn and just commandeer the whole driving operation whenever we are downtown?) but we made it to the midget's house. We walked to City Park with our baseball gloves and ball and the Aerobie. We played and played and played. Then we fielded balls for some guys who were batting and pitching at one of the playing fields. The dark clouds started rolling in and I was getting hungry so we made the trek back to the house to change clothes and eat.

The look on the midget's face when we announced we had to go back to the house was priceless, just total defeat. Poor guy - he was having so much fun! But, we had a schedule to keep, and a concert to see! After a YUMMY Thai meal (where the waiters gave the kid no less than three full glasses of a caffeinated soda pop, ugh), we headed to Trinity UMC for a choir concert like no other.

There were five or six churches, each with at least 50 members, packed into the choir loft and the balconies of the church. It was totally beautiful. The acoustics were great, the choir members were amazing. The midget was bouncing off the walls. =)

Handsome and I fell into bed last night. He said, are you sure you want kids? I laughed and said, absolutely, we survived a lot this weekend, and I couldn't have done it without you, and kissed him good night.

Bloggy blah blah

2009-05-04T16:00:00.002-06:00

Man, you know those times when you clean out your contacts and you don't really want to delete someone, but you know you haven't talked to them in a thousand years, and then you feel kinda sad because you really wish that you had kept the relationship up?

I'm kinda feeling that way with my blog and my website.

Remember the song "Video killed the Radio Star?" I feel like this blog killed my website and Facebook killed them both. It's kinda sad.

It takes a lot of work to maintain a relationship. You really have to nurture it if you want it to survive. The same thing goes with online relationships - they don't just hang on waiting to see if you're going to post an update.

My son is still a baby on the website he's ten and a half. My husband and I just bought our house on our website, but in real life, we recently closed on the refi and are building a deck!

I was never very good about keeping up with my journal writing either. But it sure is neat to go back and re-read the old entries.

So, I vow I won't let this puppy die. I won't succumb to the endless posting of quizzes or photos or all the other stuff that is lacking in substance. I believe I need this for more than the mundane. I believe it's a sanity keeper. And who couldn't use more of that?

Thanks for hanging in there and for providing the applause I can hear, even if it's cyber, nobody else can hear it, or you're not really there at all. *mwah*

Brilliant

2009-03-10T10:30:00.000-06:00

Cute couple, huh?

2009-01-13T13:13:00.001-07:00

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

A Conscious Marriage

2008-12-16T10:41:00.001-07:00

Adapted from Getting the Love You Want: A Guide For Couples, by Harville Hendrix

A conscious marriage is a marriage that fosters maximum psychological and spiritual growth; it’s a marriage created by becoming conscious and cooperating with the fundamental drives of the unconscious mind: to be safe, to be healed, and to be whole.

What are some of the differences when you become conscious? The following list highlights some of the essential differences in attitude and behavior:

1. You realize that your love relationship has a hidden purpose—the healing of childhood wounds.

2. You create a more accurate image of your partner.

3. You take responsibility for communicating your needs and desires to your partner.

4. You become more intentional in your interactions.

5. You learn to value your partner’s needs and wishes as highly as you value your own.

6. You embrace the dark side of your personality.

7. You learn new techniques to satisfy your basic needs and desires.

8. You search within yourself for the strengths and abilities you are lacking.

9. You become more aware of your drive to be loving and whole and united with the universe.

10. You accept the difficulty of creating a good marriage.

Serenity

2008-11-18T15:00:00.003-07:00

As the holidaze approach, my thoughts turn to times when life was not so insane. Wait, that never happened. My thoughts wish to create a life where time moves slowly and cider can mull while the fire crackles. Where the soft winter music of Windham Hill floats through the house and the lights happily twinkle.

I came across a vignette written by author James Allen (1864-1912) about Serenity. If this man found what it takes, and he only lived 48 years, there is certainly hope for us all!

Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom. It is the result of long and patient effort in self-control. Its presence is an indication of ripened experience, and of a more than ordinary knowledge of the laws and operations of thought.

A person becomes calm in the measure that one understands themselves as a thought evolved being, for such knowledge necessitates the understanding of others as the result of thought, and as one develops a right understanding, and sees more and more clearly the internal relations of things by the action of cause and effect, one ceases to fuss and fume and worry and grieve, and remains poised, steadfast, serene.

The calm person, having learned how to govern themselves, knows how to adapt themselves to others; and they, in turn, reverence their spiritual strength, and feel that they can learn of them and rely upon them. The more tranquil a person becomes, the greater is their success, their influence, their power for good. Even the ordinary trader will find their business prosperity increase as one develops a greater self control and equanimity, for people will always prefer to deal with a person whose demeanor is strongly equable.

The strong, calm person is always loved and revered. They are like a shade-giving tree in a thirsty land, or a sheltering rock in a storm. Who does not love a tranquil heart, a sweet-tempered, balanced life? It does not matter whether it rains or shines, or what changes come to those possessing these blessings, for they are always sweet, serene, and calm. That exquisite poise of character which we call serenity is the last lesson of culture; it is the flowering of life, the fruitage of the soul. It is precious as wisdom, more to be desired than gold, than even fine gold. How insignificant mere money seeking looks in comparison with a serene life - a life that dwells in the ocean of truth, beneath the waves, beyond the reach of tempests, in the eternal calm!

How many people we know who sour their lives, who ruin all that is sweet and beautiful by explosive tempers, who destroy their poise of character, and make bad blood! It is a question whether the great majority of people do not ruin their lives and mar their happiness by lack of self-control flow few people we meet in life who are well-balanced, who have that exquisite poise which is characteristic of the finished character!

May you be blessed!

Thanksgiving Dinner Style

2008-11-12T16:33:00.001-07:00

Thanksgiving Dinner Style

When it comes to preparing a festival of thanks, you're aiming high and you're right on the mark. You are happiest embracing Thanksgiving traditions, so be sure to allow yourself enough time to do so. Consider incorporating some of the traditions that are important to your guests into your celebration.

Love hurts

2008-10-21T16:54:00.003-06:00

I follow a blog written by an absolutely amazing young woman who happens to share the same first name as me. She runs a ministry for young women in the town where she lives and is doing all kinds of good for the people in her life.

She has also been very hurt by the sudden end of a relationship.

It's a heartbreaking place to be, but she is very strong and knows whom she can put her trust.

http://ministrysofabulous.com/2008/10/19/the-next-time-i-fall-in-love/

Dirty Dozen

2008-10-20T13:43:00.002-06:00

See, once you realize that with publishing 100 posts you are obligated to create a "100 things about me" to put on your sidebar, all regular posting comes to a screeching halt while your brain shuts down in an attempt to prolong the work required to come up with 100 things about yourself that anyone else would find remotely interesting.

In lieu of posting my 100 things in this, my 100th post, I have decided to post a list of the fruits and veggies you should absolutely buy organically whenever you buy said fruits and veggies, and which ones you can assuredly get away with buying the cheapies.

So, here they are, the dirty dozen: Fruits and Vegetables you absolutely must buy organically, or not at all.

1. Peaches
2. Apples
3. Sweet Bell Peppers
4. Celery
5. Nectarines
6. Strawberries
7. Cherries
8. Lettuce
9. Grapes
10. Pears
11. Spinach
12. Potatoes

And here are the fruits and veggies which you can get away with buying non-organically:

1. Onions
2. Avocados
3. Sweet corn (frozen)
4. Pineapples
5. Mango
6. Sweet Peas (frozen)
7. Asparagus
8. Kiwi
9. Bananas
10. Cabbage
11. Broccoli
12. Eggplant

My theory is that because so many of the foods on the non-organic list have some type of peel, they are safer than the other foods on the organic list, which you don't normally peel.

(data from www.foodnews.org)

So, it wasn't a list about my 100 things, but at least it was educational and delicious. I'll get the 100 things post going right now. Promise.

Autumn prayer

2008-10-09T10:15:00.002-06:00

Lord,
There is so much happening in our world right now.
In the midst of it all, it is so good to know
You're in control,
Your love is never-ending, and
You provide for us.

As the trees turn colors,
and the nights grow cooler,
may we be reminded that
every season of our lives
is part of Your loving plan.

Amen. ~ Holley Gerth

"For I know the plans I have for you,"
declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

Friday funny - State of the Economy

2008-10-03T07:25:00.000-06:00

You know it's bad when the Treasury department issues a dollar bill like this:

A-Z about me

2008-10-02T07:17:00.002-06:00

This is one I haven't seen before. Cute!

Attached or single? Attached to my loving husband.
Best Friend(s)? Jesse, Celia, Echo
Cake or Pie? Cake, German Chocolate please
Day of Choice? Saturday followed closely by Sunday, then Friday!
Essential Item? A good book
Flavor of Ice Cream? Goo Goo Cluster (do they even make that anymore?)
Gummy Bears or Worms? Bears, I guess, though I like Hot Tamales even better
Hometown? Born in Berkeley, CA
Indulgences? Play silly video games when Handsome lets me have the computer at night
January or July? July, it's warmer
Kids? Sorta
Last Movie I saw in theater? Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull thingy
Middle Name? Lynn
Number of Siblings? zero
Oranges or Apples? apples
Phobia or Fear? Crazy phobia about wasps.
Quote? “Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.” - Winnie the Pooh
Reason to Smile? Every new day.
Season? Fall!
Title of your autobiography? Curly girl takes on the world
Unknown Fact about me? Chronic nail biter until the age of 27.
Vegetarian or Carnivore? Omnivorous and loving it!
Worst Habit? Grinding my teeth or clenching my jaw.
Xrays or Ultrasounds? Ultrasounds are so much cooler
Yummiest food? Avocados, I could eat them on cheerios, they're so good.
Zodiac? Scorpio baby!

Cycle-path

2008-10-01T09:15:00.002-06:00

An interesting tidbit: In February, a TN woman was arrested for biking under the influence... on a stationary bike... at her gym. She got a BUI.

I loved to ride my bike as a kid. Handsome and I each own a bicycle. I was tickled when Handsome and I went on our first bike ride as a couple. It is just plain romantic to me.

Then, we bought a house and the remodeling hurricane ensued. We were plum exhausted after all the work we put into said house remodeling.

Our bikes now hang from the ceiling in "his" garage. With all the projects we've pursued over the summer, we never got to ride together. I consider bike riding an enjoyable fitness activity.

Handsome believes that because he stands on his feet all day, he gets all the fitness he needs. I believe he does walk a lot, but it's not like the cardio aerobic activity that bike riding, or walking, produces.

I've taken to going to the Rec Center to walk on the treadmill after work. I figure, if he won't take the time to go bike riding with me, I cannot let that stop me from going after my own fitness goals.

I do wish we could take this journey together. I do want to get that romantic exercise feeling back. Bike riding together is just plain fun!

Small changes can add up!

2008-09-30T07:30:00.000-06:00

If 10,000 people go vegan for one meal a week, in a year we'll avert the amount of carbon dioxide produced by 548 pizza delivery cars.

Wild, huh?

As for me, I'll make my vegan choice be City O' City in downtown Denver. Check out their offerings here.

Some people are ascairt of the word "vegan", but with delectables like pizza with seitan sausage, carmelized onions and fresh sage... You can't live in fear for long!

Oh, and for my GF friends, all of their offerings can be made gluten free too!

100 things

2008-09-29T15:32:00.009-06:00

1. I am a wife, daughter, birthmom, niece, daughter-in-law, half-sister-in-law, cousin and friend.

2. I am a textbook Scorpio.

3. I'm an only child.

4. At one point, I had four step-sisters, three step-brothers and a nephew two years younger than me, but none of them lived in the same house as I did.

5. I have no idea what happened to any of them. (Update! Found one on Facebook!)

6. By the time I was 25, I'd lived in 22 different places in my life.

7. No, I was not a "military brat". I just had a very indecisive mother.

8. I have lived in four states: California, Oregon, Virginia and Colorado.

9. There are so very many things to love about Colorado, but my heart will probably always be in the Blue Ridge Mountains.

10. If I could live anywhere other than CO right now, I would move back to VA or maybe North Carolina.

11. There are tons of places I haven't been yet, so I can't say for sure where exactly I would live.

12. I have had the same best friend since we were ten years old.

13. I wish I had more friends like her, in both substance and longevity.

14. My folks divorced when I was 18 months old.

15. I don't care what they say, kids never have the same lives after divorce.

16. Because of that, I honestly believe I won't get divorced.

17. I went to eight different schools from K-12.

18. Going to so many schools growing up taught me to make friends quickly but not to cultivate deep friendships.

19. Through Facebook I have found kids I went to school with all the way back to kindergarten.

20. I have a master's degree in Sociology.

21. My degree doesn't really do a whole lot for me in my job or my life.

22. I freaking despised my entire grad school experience. The advisor, the classes, the thesis - what a waste of time and money.

23. I can't even say specifically what my thesis was about, but it was generally about open adoption.

24. I am a birthmom in an open adoption. I had a baby in 1998 and placed him for adoption with a wonderful family. We talk to each other every week and see each other several times a year.

25. It was the hardest but most amazing choice I've ever made.

26. Sometimes I feel God put me on this earth to educate people about how amazing open adoption can be.

27. I feel blessed to have a part in my son's life. His parents feel blessed to have me in their lives!

28. I own two cats: Marigold and Obi.

29. I don't think Marigold will ever stop peeing on the floor.

30. To me, dealing with the cat peeing on the floor is akin to changing a baby's diaper. However, it drives my husband completely bonkers.

31. I work at a prestigious law firm.

32. I actually like my job. It's ridiculous that they pay me so well for what I do.

33. Some days I get wanderlust and think about leaving my job and doing something more emotionally fulfilling. Then I panic because I don't know what else I would do.

34. I really wish I could get paid similarly for walking dogs and petting cats.

35. I love to cook. If I could get paid to cook, I would.

36. I also love to scrapbook.

37. I do not work for a big time scrapbooking ~~cult~~ corporation.

38. I ~~lost~~ invested a lot of money over time by working for such a corporation. But I got a lot of cool stuff out of it.

39. I've taken more personality tests and career tests than I care to admit.

40. Maybe I'm just afraid of change after all?

41. Once I thought that working in a high security government job was right up my alley.

42. I let that dream go after my husband freaked out when I shared the idea with him.

43. I thought it might be fun to tutor kids in math or Spanish. I just don't know how to get started.

44. I wish I had the creativity to write a book.

45. I did paint a really cool picture of a rose I saw in a magazine. That painting hangs on my wall today.

46. I bought my first home when I was 25.

47. I didn't paint a single wall for 6 years. Then I painted one bathroom really REALLY blue (like taskbar on your computer blue).

48. When my husband and I bought a house, I painted every wall a different color before we moved in.

49. I got my first credit card when I was 26, the year after I bought my condo.

50. I am going to be credit card debt free in 2010. (AMEN!)

51. I am blood type A. This means I should be vegetarian and should not eat red meat or dairy.

52. I do not like parmesan cheese or cilantro. I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't.

53. I have a weird crush on Eminem. I cannot explain what I like about him (~~certainly not his body omigosh~~)

54. My celebrity boyfriends are Matthew McConaughy and Kenny Chesney. I have asked for a pass from my husband if either of them wanted to take me on a cruise for the weekend.

55. I played flute and piccolo in high school and college.

56. Yes, I was in the marching band.

57. Everything they say about band camp is true.

58. I really really love to sing.

59. I met my husband while I was singing.

60. It was karaoke night, the song was "Travelin' Soldier" by the Dixie Chicks.

61. I'm a Broncos fan.

62. I think part of the reason my husband asked me to marry him was because I cooked him great meals and I could hold my own in a football-centered conversation. I'm okay with that!

63. I was really good at math in school.

64. My calculus teacher taught us by bringing in cheese, crackers and salami to demonstrate a problem. I thought if I were a teacher, I'd want to be like her.

65. My favorite fruit is the Honeycrisp Apple.

66. I drink at least half my body weight in ounces of water every day.

67. It started out as a weight loss tool but I'm not losing a bunch of weight and now, if I don't get that much to drink, I feel dehydrated.

68. I wish I could get rid of 15 pounds.

69. I did a summer project for Habitat for Humanity when I was in college and helped build a house from slab to shingles.

70. I can totally hold my own with a miter saw.

71. I didn't know either of my grandfathers. One took his life 4 years before I was born and the other died when I was one.

72. I became very close with my grandfather's sister-in-law.

73. She taught me a valuable lesson about time. We lost her to cancer in 2005.

74. Reading old journals I wrote both cracks me up and grounds me. I try to keep up with journal writing but I'm a slacker. Most of my writings when I was young were about boys.

75. When my husband and I were still engaged, we stopped using tobacco together on the same day in 2005. On a road trip. In a car. On the way to introduce him to my father. No stress! We still liked each other after that trip and haven't used tobacco since!

76. Spending six weeks in Mexico while getting college credit was the sweetest trip abroad EVER.

77. My favorite thing to do is read. However, I have a terrible memory, so even if I have read a book, I might not be able to tell you a darn thing about it.

78. I go to the library at least once a week because I never want to ride the bus to/from work without a book. I have bookshelves full of books I have read but don't want to re-read because of all the great books yet to be read in the library.

79. I got to drive my 1983 Mazda RX7 across the country when we moved from VA to CO the summer before my high school senior year. In Kansas, I put the cruise control on 110 mph and didn't slow down until I hit the Colorado border.

80. I'm learning to sew.

81. It's not as easy as some people make it seem.

82. I sewed two curtains for my living room, which took me several hours start to finish and I ripped out at least a foot of seams during the process.

83. I am determined to learn how to knit and/or crochet this winter. I have no doubt this will end in the production of a blue and orange blanket in the future.

84. My husband gave me diamond earrings for my first birthday we were together. Not being a big earring wearer, we turned them into my engagement ring.

85. We bought a 1976 Dodge Motorhome for $900. We call it the "Shaggin' Wagon"

86. The Indigo Girls have been my favorite group since 1989. Up until a few years ago, I knew every Indigo Girls song by heart. I haven't kept up with their new music as much.

87. I've been skydiving twice. Now, after taking off in a commercial jet, seeing the squares of land below, my stomach does flip flops. I'm not sure I could jump out of a plane again.

88. I like to travel in the winter and spend summers in Colorado. The Czech Republic is the farthest I've been, and it's REALLY cold and dreary in the winter. Hawaii, however, is beautiful.

89. My stereo wakes me up every morning at 6:00 playing the classical music station. The first song is always the "Sunrise Serenade" which is supposed to ease you into the day. It works!

90. I really like to turn the volume up LOUD while listening to classical music. It vibrates in my soul.

91. My husband is much better at making coffee than I am. I don't know why.

92. I have one cup of coffee every morning. Rarely two. Must have creamer (Vanilla, if I have a choice)

93. I used to drink tea only if it was iced and sweet. I'm learning to really like hot tea.

94. My first, and last, attempt at snowboarding was on a 13,000 foot mountain. It was comical and battering.

95. I went skiing down that same mountain later that year.

96. I haven't done either since.

97. Having a good hair day can make everything else completely bearable.

98. I struggle with my faith on a daily basis.

99. I realize that I the reason I adored Choose Your Own Adventure books so much as a kid is because life is a lot like them, except you don't get to see what would happen if you made the other choice.

100. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change anything. Or I'd change everything.

If you live in California

2008-09-29T14:05:00.002-06:00

I strongly encourage you to vote YES on Prop 2. It is the modest measure that stops cruel and inhumane treatment of animals, ending the practice of cramming farm animals into cages so small the animals can't even turn around, lie down or extend their limbs. Here is a very cute video showing what the animals have to say about Prop 2 (HT to my mom)

Sadly (VERY VERY SADLY), the truth isn't as cute as even the worst parts of this video. The truth is that these animals lead horrible lives. Treating our food sources with respect will only reap bountiful rewards for us human beans in the long run. So, please, my California buddies, vote YES on Prop 2.

Friday funny

2008-09-26T07:02:00.000-06:00

Redneck Fire Alarm

Playing the numbers game

2008-09-25T10:21:00.002-06:00

Isn't it funny how the littlest things can really blow up and change our thinking - about our day, about ourselves...?

Our company brought in representatives from our insurance company to run tests on employees who wished to have their numbers. They took measures for weight, blood pressure, BMI, body fat percentage, glucose and cholesterol.

They do this because they want to encourage healthy lifestyles for employees so that we may work for the machine longer. I get it.

I feel quite healthy in general. Low blood pressure, which is odd for a law firm secretary.

My blood glucose level was well below the normal range. This is great news, because I was borderline gestational diabetic 10 years ago. I'm always suspect regarding those levels and how my blood sugar may fluctuate throughout the day. It's good to know that I'm not diabetic.

Apparently I'm just fat. I always struggle with my weight, it's so easy to struggle with! I would like to drop 10 pounds but would LOVE to drop 15. Using weight and height, they calculated my Body Mass Index. This number doesn't tell you anything except what your weight divided by your height is. Frankly, I think they should toss out the BMI number entirely.

Then they took my body fat percentage. Apparently, one out of every three cells in my body is a fat cell based on the results of that test. How much does that suck? For females, 18-39 years old, the ideal range is 14-23%, 40-59 years old it's 18-30%, and I'm up there with the 60+ year olds. Actually, it's off the chart. Sad, isn't it?

I have been really focusing lately on getting healthy. The truth is, I eat really healthy. I have ever since I found out high cholesterol runs in my family. And I knew I could lose the weight if I just exercised more. So I've been hitting the circuit at the Rec Center after work, and that has really been great.

I would advise other people to not base their self-esteem on what some numbers on a sheet of paper say. But I have a hard time not doing the same thing. I guess I need to view it as a personal challenge: to lower every one of those numbers each month.

So, wish me luck. It's time to take charge of my health. I want a HOT body, but more than that, I want low numbers all around. Lower the numbers, the body will follow?

Natural Weed Control

2008-09-24T05:16:00.000-06:00

Are you spending more time pulling weeds than enjoying the garden you've doted on all summer? Are you worried about the effect on the health of your family by using awful toxic pesticides?

My alternative? We use fabric. Fabric groundcovers block sunlight which deters weeds while simultaneously keeping the soil moist so you don't have to water as much.

Any fabric will do, really. They sell the weed fabric at the big box stores for about $10-12 for a 50 foot roll. You thought gas was expensive? Try a gallon of Round Up for $20!

If you have an old army blanket in the basement that's half eaten by moths, throw that out in the yard! It will even compost over time!

You can lay fabric under decks, or gravel pathways, or brick/stone patios. If you use it in the garden, all you do is cut circles out of the fabric where you want to plant, throw some mulch over the rest of it and voila! You're green!

Fabric in the garden definitely works for me!