In Memory of...

The world lost an amazing person today.  Kris had worked at the adoption agency I used for 19 years before passing away suddenly from a stroke.  She was 40 years old.

When I called the agency in 1998, it was Kris I spoke with.  She made an appointment to come see me and talk through all my questions about open adoption, including that which I didn't know I didn't know!  She was always smiling and laughing, and she had a touch of cynicism and sarcasm so I knew I could always be myself around her.

She was a birthmom too, her son was 7, I think, when my son was born.  Kris had since married Brett, a police officer, and became pregnant about 3 months after I did.

We spent time together during birthparent group, which was our quasi-therapy sessions to which all birthparents were invited.  We also talked a lot during the preparations for our annual adoption picnics.

We lost touch for a bit until we ran into each other at the liquor store one day.  I noticed that the man in front of us had an enormous bottle of Jack Daniels, and I looked at the man himself and realized I KNEW HIM!  And of course, it was Brett, and Kris was with him.  The four of us stood there and talked a bit, realizing that we lived just down the road from each other's house.  We made plans to get together for dinner.

We spent a bit of time together, never realizing the camping trips that we spoke about, unfortunately.  The pain of losing Kris is tremendous to me, but that's nothing compared to the void left in the lives of her husband and two children (ages 12 and 3). 

Sometimes you really have to question why God makes these types of decisions.  I can't possibly understand how the world is better off without Kris, or why these kids needed to grow up without the love of their mom.  We will miss her laugh, her smile and her warmth every day.

Happy Mother's Day!

To my mother, who raised a strong-willed, open-minded fireball who loves you anyway.

To my son's mother, who is raising a strong-willed, open-minded loving boy and giving him so much more than I ever could.

To my grandmother, who raised two girls through hard times and taught me the strength of family.

To my aunt, who wished, and experienced, and lost her chance at permanent motherhood.

To my cousin, who is a new pro at motherhood with a beautiful daughter afflicted by cystic fibrosis.

To my cousins-in-law, who all allow me to reflect on their perspectives of motherhood, young and experienced.

I love you all.

Happy birthmother's day!

The day before Mother's Day is traditionally celebrated as Birthmother's Day, to thank all of the women who have selflessly made the choice to place their children in a loving home other than their own. 

Some birthmoms hate this day, and Mother's Day, because it is painful and reminds them of the absence in their lives.  Others celebrate, because we are cherished for providing a child to a family who desperately wanted one.

While adoptive families struggle with their own emotions during Mother's Day weekend, please don't forget the woman who gave life to that child you love so much.

I tip my hat to all my fellow birthmoms out there and wish you a lotta love on this day.