Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Milk isn't the only thing that does a body good

Do you ever have those stupid fights with your spouse? The ones that, while they are occurring, you're thinking to yourself, I need to blog about this to get perspective because I can not believe how asinine this is?

Handsome is the type of person who tends to run late for appointments. He just doesn't have a concept of how long a task will take him. When working at a side job (he is a plumber), he'll tell me the job will take him an hour; I'll immediately place the time at 2 and a half.

I hate to be late. I feel like my life is out of control and I get all panicky and breathless if I am running late. I know how ridiculous that sounds, but that's just the way I am.

Last night, I left work early to catch a bus which would get me home early, because I volunteer at our church youth group at 6:00 on Tuesdays. Handsome was supposed to get off work (the punch-a-clock real job, not a side job) at 4:00. At 5:30, as the bus passed Handsome's place of employment, I see our vehicle in the parking lot.

Uh oh.

I call him, get his voicemail and leave a message. Something like "hello, you're supposed to be home right now, why are you still at work, you need to come home as soon as you get this message, it's important, I love you, call me, bye."

Of course, he didn't get home until 10 minutes to 6:00. And I was late to youth group.

I must be PMS-ing because I go from zero to ticked off in no time flat. All I wanted was an apology from him saying anything like "I'm sorry that I was late and made you late."

But NOOOO. I got silence. And brooding. And evil stares.

But apparently I had no right to be angry. I got the whole spiel about how he had no intention of staying at work an extra hour and a half past his shift, it's not like he WANTED to be there. Blah blah blah.

Finally, around 9:00, he gave me the sarcastic apology for making me late. But I was still supposed to feel sorry for him for having to stay late at work (his choice, not a boss's).


I feel better for having written it all down and living through the experience. I know I cannot control him or make him on time for things. I have tried (really, I have!) to be less anxious when it comes to keeping a schedule. It's just a character flaw in me, I guess.

This morning, a daily email I receive was just what I needed to read. Here it is.

Forgiveness is good for you — in fact, it may be the most selfishly selfless thing you can do. Study after study has found that forgiving those who have hurt us isn't weak — it's actually one of the best decisions we can make for ourselves.

People who are able to forgive experience lower rates of depression and have less chronic pain and stronger immune systems — as well as better relationships. Part of this can be explained by a decreased stress response. When you dwell on bad experiences, your body registers it as stress and launches a cascade of biochemical reactions. High blood pressure and elevated cortisol levels can result.

But forgiveness is also emotional — even spiritual. Many people learn to forgive when they are older and have perhaps had to come to terms with their own mortality. As we age we gain a different perspective on our problems and, often, on the person who has caused us pain. We are all human and we all make mistakes.

However, be careful of associating "forgive" with "forget." Forgiveness does not mean you forget what happened. Rather, you direct your energy to the future and leave the past where it belongs. Don't forget where you've come from, just keep moving forward.
So, Handsome, you're forgiven. I still love you, even if you totally drive me crazy sometimes.

1 comment:

Heather said...

Hey! Did you just blog about my day? That happens here ALL THE TIME. No lie. I HATE to be late. Big Daddy, well, you get the idea. And when I get all crabby about it, he looks at me with that same look. Like it's MY fault.

Never apologize honey. Why is a character flaw in us and not them? Here's a hint...tell him you have to be somewhere an hour before you actually do. Just don't write the real time on the calendar or whatever...;)