Exercise update

Took a class the gym offers called Muscle Works. Whew, my muscles got worked!

We used a big bar barbell with 7.5 pound weights on each end. I was anxious. But I made it through the whole class (lots of squats, push ups, planks, side planks, etc.) without dying or hyperventilating or anything!

Scale read 146.

REALLY?

WTF?

Exercise update

Did 30 minutes on the elliptical.

Still at 145.8 according to gym scale.

Zero pounds.

Really??

Catching Up

Like writing in a journal, it's hard to pick up where you left off. So much has happened over the last few months.

In August, I divorced my father. I turned it ALL over to God, because I was done. This email I received was the last communication before I decided I didn't need those brick marks on my forehead from running into the same wall over and over and over again:

I can’t believe I’ve let this go this far. Just when I think there’s some hope for us you show me that the road is much longer than I could imagine.

This year has been horrifying. I’ve never been more at war spiritually than in these last eight months. Your stepmom has been fighting for her life and I’ve been fighting for my sanity. I’m proof that God never gives us more than we can handle, but believe me He better have His hand on you while you’re going through it. But this letter isn’t about me. It’s about you.

I have never really looked at your selfishness in quite this bright of a light before. I’ve prayed to God plenty about you and He’s told me what I know, and that’s that I love you with all my heart. No matter how you act. But I don’t have to like how you act. And over these last months I’ve really gotten to dislike how you act very much. I can’t believe you’ve sunken to the depths of self centeredness as far as you’ve gone. I can take a lot of what you dish out in my direction, maybe because I’m your father, but this time you really screwed up. My wife was laying there in the hospital struggling to live and not one card, not one call, no flowers, no concern. And I know where you’re going with this right now that I should have called you and kept you informed. I don’t have to call. You do.

This world does not revolve around you as you think it does. You have this self centered sense of entitlement about you that really fowls the air. Today it is really showing up strong. I’m emailing this to your office because I don’t think you’ll read it if I send it to your home email. I don’t want you to get fired for using company email for personal use, and you will be fired because even that boss you have won’t tolerate an employee that has a sense of entitlement like you have for long. And they will probably use your personal usage of company email as the excuse without having to confront you with the truth as I am now.

So go ahead and bond with your support group and cry about this letter to them. They’ll all feel sorry for how your father has hurt you again, and sit around and agree how bad he is, again. And nod in subtle agreement.

I pray that you discover the truth abut yourself, and soon. I pray God will show you that you can be loved without being liked. That love isn’t a ticket to act any way you see fit.

Yours in Christ,
Dad

As vitriolic as this email was, it was also freeing. It let me know that I could go on with my life, be free of the guilt that my relationship with my father was a failure.

But really? How does somebody rip someone a new a$$hole and then sign the letter "Yours in Christ"? I don't get it.

So, of course, when we found out she was sick, we sent a card to the hospital and again when she got transferred out of the hospital. My dad and I didn't talk again for another couple of months.

My stepmom passed away Nov. 16. My dad left me a voicemail. Obviously sad, but not tragic. Handsome and I made plans to go to Montana for the memorial service. I was a bundle of nerves but very glad I went. Since then, I feel more free and expressive with my dad and our relationship. I loved my stepmom, but she was always intimidating somehow. I feel like I'm on level ground with my dad now. I text him on his phone (he hasn't learned to text back). He's grieving, and that lets me see his human side. I am a lot like him, I've learned. We both make assumptions that usually end up completely untrue. Shame.

I've grown a lot in the last couple months. I was struck down, afraid, sad, liberated and now, just trying to figure out this new relationship. I feel confident again. Whatever happens, I'm glad things have changed. Life is short, we must make amends while there are still people to whom the amends should be made.

Mean Girls

I loved the movie. It struck true to so many chords from middle and high school. I loved how the protagonist was able to break free of her own self-inflicted painful chaos in order to remember who she was inside.

When anonymous commenters viciously attack your very being, no matter what anyone says, it hurts. No matter that, deep down inside, you know what they say isn't true, it still hurts. Even though we know that we are loved children of God, people can still be mean and sometimes, it worms its way inside our souls and psyches and makes us question God. Why does He make mean people? Why does he make people mean? Why am I not strong enough to resist the lies and deception I'm faced with?

My girl Amy Beth needs some encouragement right now. Please visit and let her know that mean girls are not worth the pain they inflict.

Neither are mean boys, for that matter.

If you live in California

I strongly encourage you to vote YES on Prop 2. It is the modest measure that stops cruel and inhumane treatment of animals, ending the practice of cramming farm animals into cages so small the animals can't even turn around, lie down or extend their limbs. Here is a very cute video showing what the animals have to say about Prop 2 (HT to my mom)




Sadly (VERY VERY SADLY), the truth isn't as cute as even the worst parts of this video. The truth is that these animals lead horrible lives. Treating our food sources with respect will only reap bountiful rewards for us human beans in the long run. So, please, my California buddies, vote YES on Prop 2.

House guest

My mother-in-law and brother-in-law, who live about 75 miles away, are staying with us Saturday night. This has prompted a necessary whirlwind cleaning session in our house.

Handsome was completely apathetic about it.

What are you worried about? All we need to do is change the sheets, vacuum, sweep, mop, do the dishes, clean the bathroom, clean the other bathroom, and I should probably hook up the plumbing in the basement so we can do laundry.

Um, yeah. Oh, and I'm going to be out of the house all day Friday and Saturday. *sigh*

Change your thinking, change the world

I wish the United States would lead the charge in innovative, sustainable energy. We could so change the world.

Chevrolet announced the unveiling of its electric car, the Volt (cute, huh?), which will be available in 2010. Of course, the gas-free, zero emission vehicle comes at a price tag of about $40,000.

It's a start, even with the hefty cost.

The line of thinking that we must drill everywhere we possibly can just isn't the right one. Even if we utilized all the oil and gas leases that are currently out there, oil and coal are finite substances. They just won't renew and thus, if we exhaust them, we'll be at this EXACT same spot down the road.

Why is it so difficult to move away from the destruction of our blessed mother earth and figure new ways to transport ourselves from point a to point b? With hybrid technology and electric vehicles, we should not be so dependent on oil.

The candidates in this year's election are making a big deal out of the viscous liquid. I just don't think drilling is the answer.

Even Bush's administration has admitted that, should we drill in the Arctic Wildlife Refuge, we'd only see a 4 cent per gallon decrease, and that would be around 2020.

That is unacceptable to me. Why bother assaulting the land, the animals and the seas just for a savings I can get with my Safeway card at the pump?

Some ways to help yourself in this energy quagmire we've found ourselves:

• Pump It Up. Check your tire pressure. More than a quarter of all cars and nearly one-third of all SUVs, vans and pickups have under-inflated tires, according to a survey by the Department of Transportation. Properly inflating tires or buying low-rolling resistance tires could increase fuel economy by 3 percent or more.

• Get in Tune. Take your car in for regular maintenance (check your owner's manual to find out how often your car needs a tune-up). Following the recommended maintenance schedule keeps your car running better and longer. A poorly tuned or poorly maintained engine can increase gasoline consumption by as much as 4 percent.

• Use Good Motor Oil. Use the motor oil grade designed for your engine and choose a fuel-efficient oil marked with the "Energy Conserving" label by the American Petroleum Institute. Using a friction-reducing formula in the right grade can improve fuel economy by up to 2 percent.

• Lighten the Load. Removing heavy items from your trunk and roof racks can improve fuel economy by 2 percent.

• Slow It Down. Ease up on the pedal. Slowing down from 75 to 65 miles per hour will drop your highway gasoline consumption by about 15 percent. In town, avoiding rapid acceleration and aggressive driving can improve fuel economy by up to 5 percent.

• Cut the Engine. If you're waiting to pick up a teenager or trapped in a huge traffic jam, turn off your engine. Across the country, idling cars waste millions of gallons of gasoline every day. If your wait is longer than 30 seconds, restarting the engine uses less gas than leaving it running.

Some day, Mother nature will shrug us off like a water from a wet dog. I just hope we don't badly damage her in the meantime.

Quote of the day

Feeling kind of funky today and already arguing with my boss about something that he specifically instructed me to do, which turned out to be wrong instructions...

So, this quote struck me as funny and very apropos:

Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.
If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of sh!t.

Have a glorious day!

Waxing nostalgic

What has happened to the drive-in movie theaters across the country?

Why do people not think that these icons of Americana are worth saving?

We had a drive in theater about 10 miles down the road from our house. It was old, with two screens, one on each end. You could settle in with the speaker through the window or tune your car's radio to the AM station which broadcasted the sound from the movie you were watching.

They leveled that drive in this year. I hear they are putting up condos in its place.

'Cause that's what we need, more condos.

The number of drive in theaters open in the United States is steadily declining. Only 70% of the drive ins open a decade ago are still in operation. They haven't built a new drive in theater in this country since 2004.

Does this make you as sad as it does me?

We have a recurring party with our friends we lovingly call "Redneck Drive In". This constitutes dragging a big ol' 1970s tv set to the bottom of the driveway and inviting everyone together to watch a movie. We pop popcorn and have a potluck (of course, the beer's usually flowing steadily as well). It's a hoot!

This is already a world where the kids who graduate high school this year don't know that Michael Jackson used to be black. Can't we do something about the fact that they may never visit a drive in theater?

Milk isn't the only thing that does a body good

Do you ever have those stupid fights with your spouse? The ones that, while they are occurring, you're thinking to yourself, I need to blog about this to get perspective because I can not believe how asinine this is?

Handsome is the type of person who tends to run late for appointments. He just doesn't have a concept of how long a task will take him. When working at a side job (he is a plumber), he'll tell me the job will take him an hour; I'll immediately place the time at 2 and a half.

I hate to be late. I feel like my life is out of control and I get all panicky and breathless if I am running late. I know how ridiculous that sounds, but that's just the way I am.

Last night, I left work early to catch a bus which would get me home early, because I volunteer at our church youth group at 6:00 on Tuesdays. Handsome was supposed to get off work (the punch-a-clock real job, not a side job) at 4:00. At 5:30, as the bus passed Handsome's place of employment, I see our vehicle in the parking lot.

Uh oh.

I call him, get his voicemail and leave a message. Something like "hello, you're supposed to be home right now, why are you still at work, you need to come home as soon as you get this message, it's important, I love you, call me, bye."

Of course, he didn't get home until 10 minutes to 6:00. And I was late to youth group.

I must be PMS-ing because I go from zero to ticked off in no time flat. All I wanted was an apology from him saying anything like "I'm sorry that I was late and made you late."

But NOOOO. I got silence. And brooding. And evil stares.

But apparently I had no right to be angry. I got the whole spiel about how he had no intention of staying at work an extra hour and a half past his shift, it's not like he WANTED to be there. Blah blah blah.

Finally, around 9:00, he gave me the sarcastic apology for making me late. But I was still supposed to feel sorry for him for having to stay late at work (his choice, not a boss's).

ANYHOO...

I feel better for having written it all down and living through the experience. I know I cannot control him or make him on time for things. I have tried (really, I have!) to be less anxious when it comes to keeping a schedule. It's just a character flaw in me, I guess.

This morning, a daily email I receive was just what I needed to read. Here it is.

Forgiveness is good for you — in fact, it may be the most selfishly selfless thing you can do. Study after study has found that forgiving those who have hurt us isn't weak — it's actually one of the best decisions we can make for ourselves.

People who are able to forgive experience lower rates of depression and have less chronic pain and stronger immune systems — as well as better relationships. Part of this can be explained by a decreased stress response. When you dwell on bad experiences, your body registers it as stress and launches a cascade of biochemical reactions. High blood pressure and elevated cortisol levels can result.

But forgiveness is also emotional — even spiritual. Many people learn to forgive when they are older and have perhaps had to come to terms with their own mortality. As we age we gain a different perspective on our problems and, often, on the person who has caused us pain. We are all human and we all make mistakes.

However, be careful of associating "forgive" with "forget." Forgiveness does not mean you forget what happened. Rather, you direct your energy to the future and leave the past where it belongs. Don't forget where you've come from, just keep moving forward.

So, Handsome, you're forgiven. I still love you, even if you totally drive me crazy sometimes.

It's my party and I'll invite who I want to

I don't know how I feel about this story. The kid tried to invite whom he wanted to his birthday party. The school intervened.

Remember Valentine's Day in school? Either you were in a school which promoted every student receiving valentines (equality and fairness) or you were in a school which blatantly showcased the popular kids and those less-popular. If your class had to create boxes in art class to receive valentines, you were probably in the former school.

The less popular kids probably hated Valentine's Day because they didn't get many valentines.

I feel like birthday parties are a different ballgame, though. Why should kids have to invite the whole class when they don't want to? Why should kids have to invite the bullies in the class just so they can be totally inclusive? Why should parents have to put on a birthday party production for a zillion kids instead of the four or five their child really likes?

***Disclaimer: I don't have kids so I'm just spouting off with no personal experience. I trust my bloggy friends to give me their opinions on the subject!

Can you own the rain?

Apparently not. In drought-prone water-starved Colorado, it is illegal to have a big ol' bucket on your property to use to catch rainwater in order to water your lawn, flowers and vegetables.

Handsome wants to hook up a contraption which would use the rainwater collected to run our washing machine. I thought it was a great idea.

Now I found out it is illegal.

This is the ridiculous truth of the day.

Evidently, there are water rights to rivers and streams in place which by withholding the rain, which may or may not EVER make it to those rivers and streams, would be denied.

Dumb. Dumb dumb dumb.

Denver Water has this amazing and creative campaign "Use only what you need." Last week, I was waiting for the bus at the bus stop (imagine that) and a giant toilet came walking down the street, waving to people. The idea was that he was walking, not running, because "running toilets waste water."

Get it?

So, we try to be more green. We try to live sustainably. We even try to do what Denver Water tells us to do, use only what we need.

By reducing, reusing, recycling, we could get fines up to $500 a day. A. DAY.

Wake up Colorado. Your resources depend on it!

Twelve words which changed my life

Human thoughts have a tendency to transform themselves into their physical equivalent.

Twelve words. That's all.

Let's see, there are the days when I'm miserable and the whole world looks dark. If I consciously change my thought pattern, the world brightens up immediately.

Even if it's gloomy outside, I can rejoice in that, knowing that God is building the clouds to deliver much needed rain to my plants.

It is the situations which lead me to want to argue with myself, berate myself, get angry with my husband, be a slacker at work... Those are when I need to realize that I can change it all.

I will never be perfect. Although I try to attain perfection all. the. time. And I want the same for my husband. And he won't ever be perfect, either! So I need to realize that there is no such thing as human perfection. All we can do is our best.

When we put our best self forward, the rest doesn't really matter. If our best isn't good enough for some people, then they are asking too much. I like high expectations. I like challenges. I can learn to have high expectations of myself and my family without making them unattainable.

Handsome's dad is an example of how his mentality has changed his physicality. From the time of his young adulthood, he has had a "chip on his shoulder", for lack of a better term. He has believed that the universe owed him something. (I believe the universe owes us all something, it's just up to us to go out and get it.) He never did anything about it except complain. And drink.

There was a time in his life when he was very creative, making by hand these exquisite pieces of furniture. Several pieces now adorn our own home. Although I did not know the man during that period of his life, I'm willing to wager that he was a happy being when he was creating that furniture. His creativity flowed, he saw results in these awesome dressers and nightstands and headboards.

Until he stopped. Then life turned its back on him. Or rather, he turned his back on life. And settled down with a six 30 pack.

His body has adjusted to the toxin of alcohol ever since. It has manifested in gout and arthritis and the limited usage of his hands and constant pain in all his joints.

He laments the fact that he no longer has the workshop where he can create.

Truthfully, he no longer has the desire or the ability, but he doesn't realize that it is all tied up together.

Step one does not have to be to stop drinking in order to feel better about himself so that he may regain his creativity and spark.

Step one can be to feel better about himself! Then he could stop drinking and heal his body, so that it would not be the betrayer he feels it is.

Human thoughts have a tendency to transform themselves into their physical equivalent.

Change the thought, the body will follow.

Another reason why I won't shop at the Wal Marts

A little girl was at the store with her pop and went to pick up a watermelon.

She got stung by a scorpion. Full story here.

Ick. Ewww. Owie.

On another note, we are trying to grow our own watermelons this year. I'll keep you updated on how that goes as the season progresses. I do NOT have a very green thumb, but seeds were 10 packets for a buck at Rite Aid, which probably does not have scorpions in its stores.

(shiver)

Some days you're the bug...

And some days you're the windshield. Yesterday I felt like the bug.

A good friend, confidante, and coworker of mine, told me recently "Your hair is really DARK. Do you like it that dark? I'm not fond of it."

I really admire her honesty and frankness. However, you just don't dis a girlfriend's 'do! In fact, I got my hair colored recently because there were a few too many of the grey variety poking all over and thought that a reddish wash would look simply stunning. My hair is dark brown, and stayed dark (obviously) with a red tint in the right light while squinting one eye.

I loved it! It was different enough for me to adore it and the cut was cute, but it was not SO different that my husband didn't recognize me when I came home from the hairdresser. It suited me just fine thankyouverymuch.

So I dodged the unrequested critique and let the comment lie.

A couple hours later, she strolls by my desk where I have a calendar which shows pictures of my son, wonderfully created by his parents. This month, the boy has his face painted like a falcon. My coworker, who had already gushed about my hair, walked by and said "I don't really like that photo; it's not my favorite."

OH! It is one thing to insult a woman's beauty, it is quite another to disrespect a kid who just wants to have some falcon fun!

I said "My, you sure are full of compliments today!"

And she stood there, looking at the calendar, realizing that she had a case of foot-in-mouth. Then she apologized and I forgave her but I had to come and blog about it so now I can really forgive her.