Wednesday, July 16, 2008

It's my party and I'll invite who I want to

I don't know how I feel about this story. The kid tried to invite whom he wanted to his birthday party. The school intervened.

Remember Valentine's Day in school? Either you were in a school which promoted every student receiving valentines (equality and fairness) or you were in a school which blatantly showcased the popular kids and those less-popular. If your class had to create boxes in art class to receive valentines, you were probably in the former school.

The less popular kids probably hated Valentine's Day because they didn't get many valentines.

I feel like birthday parties are a different ballgame, though. Why should kids have to invite the whole class when they don't want to? Why should kids have to invite the bullies in the class just so they can be totally inclusive? Why should parents have to put on a birthday party production for a zillion kids instead of the four or five their child really likes?

***Disclaimer: I don't have kids so I'm just spouting off with no personal experience. I trust my bloggy friends to give me their opinions on the subject!


Christine@AreWeThereYetMOm said...

The school my children go to, for Valentine's Day sends home a list of every child in the class. Then I have my children write out their Valentines, so no one is left out.

As far as birthday parties go, if the teacher allows it, I send enough cupcakes for everyone, and then my children can choose two or three friends to invite over for a play date or small party.
There is no possible way, I could accomodate all the children in his class.

Donna said...

Okay, so as a former public school teacher, I can say that there is always the possibility for extenuating circumstances. If this was interrupting the educational process, causing a stir, I can see why they would confiscate the invitations. They should allow the parents to pick them up at the school and deliver them privately.

I understand the bullying issue from the father's reasoning, but not inviting a kid because your kid wasn't invited to his birthday party seems rather petty.

That's my take on it. I think the school just needs to make a policy that sending invitations around school is not allowed unless approved ahead of time. Demanding that all students be included due to discrimination is silly, and I wonder if that truly IS the reason, or if there is more to it.

Ranee said...

When our children were in school (as opposed to being homeschooled) the rules were pretty good, I thought. If you sent the invitations outside of school, via e-mail or regular mail or even just a phone call, then you could invite or not invite whomever you wished. If you gave out invitations in class, everyone had to be invited. I thought this was a good balance between not hurting feelings and still allowing people to invite those they wanted only. Just make sure you have contact information for the children you want to invite.

Leanne said...

I agree with you on this one. Toots is in nursery and already has her circle of friends. We don't have to invite the entire nursery to her birthday, I can't even imagine having 30 kids over for a 3yrolds party, my head psins at the thought.

Some mums will invite all of the kids, you can spot those a mile away, no names on the invite just a load of them left with the nurse in charge and she drops them into the bags at home time. I always make a point of asking if it is someone toots plays with a lot. It could be a mother that has seen a story like this and is paranoid about anyone feeling left out, so invites everyone and then probably spends everynight panicking in case we all turn up. In circumstances like that I'll rsvp no and we'll make a card at home with a token gift, some stickers maybe and send that to nursery for the child. Plus it gives me a good rainy day project.

Btw thanks for stopping by. The oatmeal baths have been her favoourite thing, she tells anyne in ear shot that mommy lets her get bathed in her breakfast.

artified said...

Slightly different over here (as usual lol)

when my kids were younger they tended to invite who they liked in playschool(3-5 years) /primary school (5-11 years)
but once i made an exception i invited the whole of my DD's class as she was very very shy and was struggling making friendships tha tway i though it would help her inside and out side of class/school. We hired a local hall and a bouncey castle (all the rage then) and they had a great time.
Since then i've let them invite who they want as i know how difficult it can be to make and keep friends. I thin the worst part is when they dont you don't know who's coming..or when only a few reply/arrive. Not too long ago a friend of my DD's said she was going to have a party and invite DD. Well i spoke with the neighbour (who was a friend) and she said her DD wasnt having a party. So we thought nothing of it...then a few days later there was obviously a party going on. this upset me as the so called friend had lied to me..and DD's friend lied to her. they are no longer friends.

As for handing out invites at school, sometimes thats the only way as very young children don't know where a friend lives or phone numbers etc. And you dont always get to meet up with other parents at the school gates.

We didn't do valentines at school, lots of things aren't celebrated as much here in the UK as they are in the USA. We did however once in secondary school (11-16 years) send roses to people we liked/fancied...i didn't receive one though lol infact didn't get a valentine card till I was 18 years old! :blush:

artified said...

i posted a huge reply and its not worked! darn!

thanks for the thought provoking post Marigold.

As ever its somewhat different here in the UK.

and I didn't get a valentine card till I was 18!

jen said...

At my daughter's nursery school they required that you invite all the children if you were handing invitations out at school, which always made sense to me. If you were mailing or delivering invites outside of school, you could do whatever you wanted to.

Just recently, my daughter was the only little girl NOT invited to a girl's party and the only way she knew was because the invites were handed out to the students at school. I had a problem more with how the parents handled it than the fact that Kai wasn't invited. I don't think you should have to invite people you don't want to, but you just have to makes sure to handle the invitation process with sensitivity.

planetnomad said...

I think that people should only invite those they want to for a party. However, if there is a case where everyone in the class is coming except one or two children, that's a bit clueless on the part of the parents. That happened once to my child, but it was because the mother had an old class list and he wasn't on it. She was mortified and made him a special invitation and then he really HAD to go to the party, although he really wasn't specially friends with the girl and didn't really want to go!
As with so much, you can see a bit of both sides. I think the best thing is to only invite a few close friends, but then large groups of children make me break out in hives.