In Memory of...

The world lost an amazing person today.  Kris had worked at the adoption agency I used for 19 years before passing away suddenly from a stroke.  She was 40 years old.

When I called the agency in 1998, it was Kris I spoke with.  She made an appointment to come see me and talk through all my questions about open adoption, including that which I didn't know I didn't know!  She was always smiling and laughing, and she had a touch of cynicism and sarcasm so I knew I could always be myself around her.

She was a birthmom too, her son was 7, I think, when my son was born.  Kris had since married Brett, a police officer, and became pregnant about 3 months after I did.

We spent time together during birthparent group, which was our quasi-therapy sessions to which all birthparents were invited.  We also talked a lot during the preparations for our annual adoption picnics.

We lost touch for a bit until we ran into each other at the liquor store one day.  I noticed that the man in front of us had an enormous bottle of Jack Daniels, and I looked at the man himself and realized I KNEW HIM!  And of course, it was Brett, and Kris was with him.  The four of us stood there and talked a bit, realizing that we lived just down the road from each other's house.  We made plans to get together for dinner.

We spent a bit of time together, never realizing the camping trips that we spoke about, unfortunately.  The pain of losing Kris is tremendous to me, but that's nothing compared to the void left in the lives of her husband and two children (ages 12 and 3). 

Sometimes you really have to question why God makes these types of decisions.  I can't possibly understand how the world is better off without Kris, or why these kids needed to grow up without the love of their mom.  We will miss her laugh, her smile and her warmth every day.

Ode to Flag Day

A flag is just a piece of cloth
Vulnerable to fire or to moth

You can hoist it way up high
And watch it flap against the sky

You can make it orange or green
Or any color in between

With shapes like hexagons or squares
And sometimes lions or even bears

Stars and stripes get used a lot
But seldom ever polka dots

The colors I am partial to
Seem to be red white and blue

The white for right, the blue for true
The red: blood shed, for me and you

(Ol' Betsy Ross, she musta knew)

Written by Johnny Hart - creator of B.C. comics

Easter poem

What is this day all about?
Hiding eggs for kids to rout?

Cakes and cookies shaped like lambs?
Pink chapeaus on pink madams?

That's not what it is all about!
Who got buried? Then got out?

Leaving no one any doubt,
"He is Risen!" hear them shout!

THAT is what this day is all about!

(written by Johnny Hart, creator of B.C. comics)

Easter time

A calendar is filled with days to which we must adhere
No matter how you use them, they still add up to a year

Each month we celebrate with love some very special day
There's Christmas in December and Mother's Day in May

Tho, Father's Day comes round in June, He labors in September
And April has a special date that all fools will remember

With each July the rockets fly in tearful, proud recall
Then August, so grandiose in name, has no good days at all!

November doth remember every veteran with Thanksgiving,
But blessed of all is Eastertime, which gives the gift of living!

(written by Johnny Hart, creator of B.C. comics)

To Be or Else...

Often times I wonder what this world is all about
It can't be just a place for coming in and going out

It surely can't be just a place for terrorists and crooks
And dirty, rotten scoundrels that sell pornographic books

It wasn't made for wallowing in sickness, death and sin
or people who give drugs to kids, or beat up on their kin

Our world was once a perfect place, a gift of love, not war
And we still have the power, through grace, to make it like before!

(written by Johnny Hart, creator of B.C. comics)

Mean Girls

I loved the movie. It struck true to so many chords from middle and high school. I loved how the protagonist was able to break free of her own self-inflicted painful chaos in order to remember who she was inside.

When anonymous commenters viciously attack your very being, no matter what anyone says, it hurts. No matter that, deep down inside, you know what they say isn't true, it still hurts. Even though we know that we are loved children of God, people can still be mean and sometimes, it worms its way inside our souls and psyches and makes us question God. Why does He make mean people? Why does he make people mean? Why am I not strong enough to resist the lies and deception I'm faced with?

My girl Amy Beth needs some encouragement right now. Please visit and let her know that mean girls are not worth the pain they inflict.

Neither are mean boys, for that matter.

Guess what I'm doing today?

I am oh so fortunate to be attending my favorite conference of all time!

The Women of Faith conference has come again to Denver. Hallelujah!

I have been to this conference off and on for the last five or six years. I get something different out of it each time I go.

There were the years that my heart has been broken. I felt so alone, dejected and rejected. The WoF conference allowed me to realize that I could sit there and bawl my eyes out with 10,000 other women and not feel like a freak. It allowed me to know that any time, I could just lay my head on the chest of God and weep. The conference showed me that I was not alone.

There were the years when everything in my life was going pretty okay. Max Lucado taught me how to really delve into my soul to find my "Sweet Spot." How to use my own uniqueness to make a BIG deal out of God every day of my life.

What is Women of Faith? They describe it best:

It’s two days, 10½ hours. It’s refreshment, reality without reproach, and relationships.

Refreshment – Imagine getting together with your closest girlfriends for a weekend. Think of the laughter you’d share, the tears you’d shed, the FUN you’d have. Now multiply that by 10,000 or so. You’re starting to get the idea.

Reality without Reproach – We’re not perfect. We don’t expect you to be perfect, either. Our speakers are real women who share stories from their real lives. We’re here to encourage women, not to condemn anyone. Even those who have never set foot in a church feel comfortable at our conferences. You can check your mask at the door. You’re welcome just as you are.

Relationships – Connecting with God and with each other. At Women of Faith we believe that God loves you – no matter what your situation in life may be. We also believe that He wants a personal relationship with you. Through our conferences, more than 150,000 women have indicated decisions to start or renew that relationship. Relationships with each other are important, too. At a Women of Faith conference you’ll have the chance to connect with other women – even if you go there alone!

Over the course of the conference, you’ll have the opportunity to:
Renew your spirit with messages of hope and humor from the Women of Faith speaker team
Recharge your spiritual batteries with drama that tickles your funny bone and touches your heart (at the same time!)
Rejoice with music from top Christian music artists
Reconnect with God and each other as the WOF worship team leads an arena full of women in praise to God
Revitalize your life with resources that will help keep the conference experience alive all year
Relax in the comforting knowledge that God loves you – right where you are!

Oh, this year promises to be just as good if not better than the previous ones! The hilarious Anita Renfroe is joining the women on stage. It should be a riot!

You have probably seen her Total Momsense video on YouTube:




But you might not have seen the complementary video - Total Dadsense. Too funny!



Have a GREAT weekend everyone!

Concentrate on this

The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you.

What am I doing?

Do you ever have that feeling like you have NO idea what in the world you are doing here? Generally, specifically, physically, metaphysically?

I read something recently that applies just to that feeling.

Christ has no body now on earth but yours; yours are the only hands with which he can do his work; yours are the only feet with which he can go about the world; yours are the only eyes through which his compassion can shine forth upon a troubled world. Christ has no body now on earth but yours. ~St. Teresa of Avila

Now, when that feeling of confusion, hopelessness, or wonder hits you, just remember that you're here for a purpose and you don't have to know what it is.

All you have to do is the best you can at whatever it is, and do it all for the glory of God. That should be enough!

Prayer

Lord, work through me

To plan with wisdom

To guide with vision

To lead with humility

To listen with understanding

To work with excellence

To succeed in a way

That honors you.

~Roy Lessin

A prayer for our home

Lord,

We invite you into our house.

We desire for Your presence to be with us always.

Please fill these rooms with Your love, every corner with Your peace and each moment here with Your joy.

May this be a place where we live in Your grace and may all who enter here be blessed by You in a special way.

We commit this house to you and we ask that you truly make it a home as we live, laugh, and love together.

Amen.

(lovingly borrowed from the folks at Dayspring)

Dear God

I pray for the cure of cancer.

Amen.

Waterlogged

What fun we had at Water World! The boy is 9 1/2 years old (and isn't that "and a half" so important when you're that age? I'm still trying to figure out what the heck happened to thirty!) and Handsome's sister, Shorty, is 12 1/2 years old. The two of them get along like peanut butter and jelly.

As we were driving to Water World, Shorty asked the boy if he was one of the more popular kids in his school. The boy thought to himself for a moment, and answered, "at least one of the top 5."

I giggled to myself and then kept quiet and listened.

Shorty followed with "You know, rich kids are usually more popular than middle-class kids or poor kids. I figured you were probably pretty popular."

I was floored. Did I think of that stuff when I was that age?

I wanted to fight the assumption that rich kids were more popular, but I couldn't. I thought about the schooling I endured in my life and, especially in grade school, it was very apparent that the more affluent kids were considered more popular. I can remember being made fun of because of the outifts I would wear (obviously, I wasn't the most popular, nor the most wealthy).

Finally, in college, I realized that none of it mattered. Sadly, it wasn't until then that I finally got on my own footing and realized everyone else was just as screwed up as I was and it was a pretty level playing field. I didn't go to an ivy league school, I went where I felt comfortable and it was a wonderful experience.

I just hope that I can instill a sense of pride in both of these kids, teach them that money doesn't define who they are any more than whether they write with their right hand or their left. They have immense value regardless of where they buy their clothes or what's in their school lunch.

I want them both to feel popular and proud of the wonderful people they are.

I'll make sure that your children flourish—like stars in the sky! like sand on the beaches! (Gen. 22:15)

Angels at the Post Office

This is from the email archive and it brings tears reading it now. I wish it to be true!

"The day after our dog, Abbey, died, my 4 year old, Meredith, was SO upset. She wanted to write a letter to God so that God would recognize Abbey in heaven. She told me what to write, and I did.

Then she put 2 pictures of Abbey in the envelope. We addressed it to God in Heaven, put two stamps on it (because, as she said, it could be a long way to heaven). We put our return address on it, and I let her put it in the drop box at the post office that afternoon.

She was absolutely sure that letter would get to heaven, and I wasn't about to disillusion her.

On Labor Day, we took the kids to the museum and when we came home, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch. It was addressed to Meredith.

She took it inside and opened it.

Inside the package was a book, When Your Pet Dies, by Mr. Fred Rogers. Inside the front cover of the book was the letter we had written to God, in its envelope (opened).

On the opposite page was one of the pictures of Abbey taped on the page.

On the back page was the other picture of Abbey, and this handwritten note on pink paper:

"Dear Meredith, I know that you will be happy to find out that Abbey arrived safe and sound in heaven. Having the pictures you sent to me was a big help! I recognized Abbey right away!

You know, Meredith, she isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me (just like it stays in your heart) young and running and playing. Abbey loved being your dog, you know.

Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep things in-- so I am sending you your beautiful letter back with the pictures--and you will have this little memory book to keep.

One of my angels is taking care of this for me; I hope this little book will help. Thank you for your beautiful letter. Thank your mother for sending it. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you. God blesses you every day and remember, I love you very much.

Signed, God, and one of his special angels (who wrote this letter after God told HER the words)."




How wonderful is that!

On being human

Sometimes I have this inner war happening between my earlobes. I think that in order to be a good, pious and faithful person, I have to know bunches of bible verses by heart, volunteer for every volunteer opportunity presented, give lots of money in the collection plate, not ever argue with my husband, never cuss, et cetera ad naseum (insert other Latin verbiage here)

I wonder what makes us human, though, if we're all striving to be like God?

Some of us have tattoos. Some smoke cigarettes. Some women (I've heard) even have wine at their kids' play dates!

In response to some of her readers' questions, OMSH says it best:

Christians have “lives” too. We like good times, good movies, good food, and some of us even like a good margarita.

Amen, sister.

Love & Marriage

When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition until death do them part. ~ G.B. Shaw

California became the second state to perform and recognize same-sex marriage recently.

This had me thinking. If Handsome and I got married in Colorado, and then we decided to move to North Carolina, how surprised would we be if all of a sudden, the North Carolina government did not recognize the fact that we were married?

Ridiculous, no?

I believe that it is fear that motivates state governments to introduce statutes and constitutional bans on same-sex marriage.

In most cases, marriage between two people, regardless of gender, is an expression of love and commitment. It is a sacrament in the church. "Marriage should be honored by all" (Heb. 13:4).

There are plenty of people who are of opposite gender who marry each other for reasons much less noble than love and commitment. Can you say green card?

In a time when nothing is more certain than change, the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare. Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange have only been enhanced. ~ Robert Sexton

Perhaps I'm one of those people who choose the "carte-blanche" way of my faith. I believe that two people who love each other should not be judged because they may be of the same sex. In fact, I believe I'll let God do the judging for me. People do entirely too much judging of other people, in my opinion.

He knows that if I love someone, that person has affected ME in a positive way. We are all human here. I would rather see my two male friends have the same opportunity to care for each other in all the legal sense of the words, without having to jump through any additional hoops that Handsome and I did not have to, than to see them purposely single, and miserable.

Where is the glory to God in that?

Twelve words which changed my life

Human thoughts have a tendency to transform themselves into their physical equivalent.

Twelve words. That's all.

Let's see, there are the days when I'm miserable and the whole world looks dark. If I consciously change my thought pattern, the world brightens up immediately.

Even if it's gloomy outside, I can rejoice in that, knowing that God is building the clouds to deliver much needed rain to my plants.

It is the situations which lead me to want to argue with myself, berate myself, get angry with my husband, be a slacker at work... Those are when I need to realize that I can change it all.

I will never be perfect. Although I try to attain perfection all. the. time. And I want the same for my husband. And he won't ever be perfect, either! So I need to realize that there is no such thing as human perfection. All we can do is our best.

When we put our best self forward, the rest doesn't really matter. If our best isn't good enough for some people, then they are asking too much. I like high expectations. I like challenges. I can learn to have high expectations of myself and my family without making them unattainable.

Handsome's dad is an example of how his mentality has changed his physicality. From the time of his young adulthood, he has had a "chip on his shoulder", for lack of a better term. He has believed that the universe owed him something. (I believe the universe owes us all something, it's just up to us to go out and get it.) He never did anything about it except complain. And drink.

There was a time in his life when he was very creative, making by hand these exquisite pieces of furniture. Several pieces now adorn our own home. Although I did not know the man during that period of his life, I'm willing to wager that he was a happy being when he was creating that furniture. His creativity flowed, he saw results in these awesome dressers and nightstands and headboards.

Until he stopped. Then life turned its back on him. Or rather, he turned his back on life. And settled down with a six 30 pack.

His body has adjusted to the toxin of alcohol ever since. It has manifested in gout and arthritis and the limited usage of his hands and constant pain in all his joints.

He laments the fact that he no longer has the workshop where he can create.

Truthfully, he no longer has the desire or the ability, but he doesn't realize that it is all tied up together.

Step one does not have to be to stop drinking in order to feel better about himself so that he may regain his creativity and spark.

Step one can be to feel better about himself! Then he could stop drinking and heal his body, so that it would not be the betrayer he feels it is.

Human thoughts have a tendency to transform themselves into their physical equivalent.

Change the thought, the body will follow.

Being hard on ourselves

This past week was rough. I was very busy, which didn't leave enough time to get done everything on the To Do list, at least not with much time to spare. It's difficult when life has a long To Do list, even if some of the things on that list are good, helpful, selfless, charitable.

Our church had vacation bible school last week and I signed up to make dinners for all participants and their families. We did not have a solid headcount so Handsome and I bought supplies for the closest number of kids we anticipated.

There were many more kids than what we anticipated.

Even though the meals were gobbled up and everyone was very complimentary, I was kicking myself for not over-planning. I didn't anticipate there being so many additional people there. So, when they ran out of taco shells, I took it as a personal failure that I only bought 60, instead of 80. (Although, with 80 shells, we would've run out of taco meat. Which wouldn't have made me feel any better.)

Having more kids participate in vacation bible school than were anticipated is actually a good thing! The fact that I wasn't entirely prepared for as many kids and parents who showed up hungry just helps me prepare better for next year.

Saturday, at our Mile High Hunt, the entire first part of the day was awesome. We had over 50 teams sign up and lots of people had really great costumes. It was a great turnout. Handsome and I were responsible for two separate routes. We each took lots of phone calls for the "Phone A Friend" option, for which participants paid $5 to get a phone call to help them figure out where they should be or where they needed to go. When the teams started rolling in at the finish line, we were responsible for scoring them, too.

The teams were either following an "A" route or a "B" route. Due to the fact that I didn't read which questions were different between the two routes, I scored each "B" route incorrectly on question #2. I was consistent in that, which should have alerted me to the fact that every single "B" route got question #2 wrong. But it was hectic and I was in too much of a hurry to get their cards scored.

One team, a "B" route team, couldn't understand what they did wrong. After looking at the answers, they thought they got every question correct, and their time was pretty good. So, they asked me, what gives? I got their answer card and showed them that #2 was incorrect. They challenged me on it and I realized my mistake. But, by that time, the prizes had already been distributed.

I felt awful. What could I do? They came over and demanded an apology, which I gave and asked what else I could do for them. But they were ticked off. Did I mention I felt terrible? Ugh, I wanted the whole world to open up and swallow me right then and there.

The leader of the event came over and asked what was going on. I explained that I made a mistake and scored their route wrong and, as a result, they should've gotten 2nd place. The leader said there was one prize that she forgot to put out for the raffle and, if the team was amenable, she would give it to them. It was way better than what the 2nd place team received anyway. They said okay.

So, all's well that ends well, right?

No. I worked it over in my brain for the entire rest of the day. In my eyes, my mistake totally negated all the hours that I had put into the event, planning, asking for donations, walking the route, writing clues, registering, phone-a-friend-ing, etc. I was inconsolable.

I asked God to take it from me.

Then I took it back.

We had a tug of war for at least 18 hours.

Then, at church, the pastor was explaining the ritual and meaning of Communion and he said something to the effect of "Whatever issues you're dealing with, however hard your week has been, however you are beating yourself up today, know that you're forgiven."

So, I'm giving it back to God. Apparently, He's already forgiven me.

And if HE can forgive me, then surely I can figure a way to do it, too.

A morning blessing

Good Morning!

This morning when I wakened

And saw the sun above,

I softly said, 'Good morning, Lord,

Bless everyone I love'

Right away I thought of you

And said a loving prayer

That He would bless you specially

And keep you free from care.

I thought of all the happiness

A day could hold in store

I wished it all for you because

No one deserves it more.

I felt so warm and good inside

My heart was all aglow

I know God heard my prayers for you

He hears them all, you know

(from the internet)

Cookin' crock pot style

This coming week is Vacation Bible School at church. They do VBS at night (which I think is an AWESOME idea) and thought that if they added a dinner element beforehand, it might make everything less stressful for all involved.

Cooking, I can do. Bible teaching, not so much. So, using the gifts that God has given me, I volunteered to organize and prepare the pre-VBS dinner, each night. It's looking like there may be around 40 kids, and some of them have parents who will come eat, too. So, I may be cooking for the masses.

The VBS theme is a carnival type atmosphere, and the suggestions I received were hamburgers, hot dogs, etc. Of course, I was thinking pizza, lasagna, anything that would be easy to prepare for a LOT of people.

Then I realized that Handsome and I already had plans, away from church, for the first two of the three nights of VBS. Which means, we couldn't actually be there to cook for anyone. Hmmm, this would be interesting.

Crock pots to the rescue! I am borrowing three crocks from three girlfriends to accomplish this much cooking for this many people.

The first night, we are making sloppy joes. Lots of sloppy joe mix (in two crock pots), buns, chips and fruit. Done.
The second night will be corn dogs (in the oven), mac n cheese (in one crock pot) and fruit. Done.
The third night we will make a taco bar with taco meat (in two crock pots), shells, cheese, lettuce and tomatoes. Done!

After reading Stephanie's blog, I realized that there should be no fear in relying on a crock pot for three dinners in a row. Stephanie has made a New Year's Resolution to use her crock pot every day in 2008. She has some delicious recipes, I literally drool over them!

So, with a lot of prayer and a little luck, I'll come out of VBS week unscathed and those kids (and parents) will hopefully not go hungry!