The first four bullet points Moxie posted are the most basic, yet often, the most difficult to embrace.
- What can I reasonably get from my parent?
It was not what I "got" though. What I got was a dad who was much more interested in alcohol or drugs than the few weekend visits with me he was awarded by the court. I got a dad who would willingly drop me off at a girlfriend's, or an ex-girlfriend's, so he could go get high and not have to
- Is that enough?
- If not, is there someplace else I can get that so I'm able to let go of the need to get it from my parent?
- What am I willing to give up to get something from my parent?
- First, he was never going to be the man I want him to be.
- Second, there was no way we could go back to the times when it was the worst and he could change his behavior.
- Third, me getting all worked up over everything that happened in the past and present feelings didn't effect him at all. Just me. They say resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. That was exactly what I was doing.
So I stopped. I just stopped. I realized that I had my whole life ahead of me. I grieved for the little girl I was. I felt bad for her that she never had a daddy that she could love and crawl into his lap and just be. I just tuned it all out.
So, the answer to the bullet point is nothing. Not any more. I am me, and that's enough.